After a three day retreat with my friend in England, being seculded in his cozy house, surrounded by fresh fruit, chocolate, tea and whiskey, I’m walking at the Hampstead Heath.

The sun is shining and the trees are stunning. The last months have majorly confused me. Old beliefs have shaken loose. I thought I was sure about what I wanted, only to realise I was basically following expectations of others.

This week of being out of my daily life gives me an opportunity to -sort of- look at myself from a distance. Realizing what I desire.

I forgot that I love to nose through old bookstores. I forgot that I love crystals, pulling cards and other witchy stuff. I forgot that I love to wear necklaces.

Today was a meditation. Standing with my eyes closed at the side of a highway for maybe twenty minutes, grounding and breathing, while my friend made a phone call. Meeting a wonderful woman and talking about breasts in a pub. Walking in the forest, feeling an urge to make a video blog with no clue what about. Crying at the sight of a fox. Hugging two strangers in the streets after a spontaneous conversation. Singing songs in the car in traffic jam. Sitting on the couch.

Life… even though our minds try to plan each step ahead, it’s not about knowing where we are going. We can only take life step by step. Giving birth to a new version of ourselves, contraction by contraction.