Let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of heaven dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but each one of you be
alone – even as the strings of a lute are alone though the quiver
with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not in each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the Cyprus grow not in each other’s shadows.
– Kahlil Gibran, from The Prophet
I came across this poem by Kahlil Gibran yesterday, and I keep reading it. It describes so well the beauty of a balanced connection that we can have with another being.
It’s so easy to fall into codependencies; making the other responsible for who we are, what we feel, what we experience. To aim to ‘become one’, as the love songs preach.
But it’s my deeper feeling that the real togetherness and the deepest, most fulfilling, enriching relationships that are full of potential for growth, come from a place where both/all beings involved take responsibility for themselves. When they can live without the other. When they will still feel loved wand whole without the other. When life is still amazing without the other.
And then the connection can add to that. Starting from a place of completeness and abundant togetherness, and aiming at something even bigger than that. It then becomes something beyond the paradigm of the duality of ‘relationship’. It becomes a practice on its own. Not always easy (far from, I would say, as every single thing where you don’t take responsibility yet will be brought to the surface), but more interesting and fulfilling than anything you ever experienced before.