Today I choose to not be small

My love,

Today I choose not to be small.
I choose to unfold all the little parts of me that desire to stretch and come alive.

My choosing does not mean you have to step aside,
or make yourself small instead.

No, my love.
I’m asking you to stand beside me, with your arms open and your eyes clear.

You see,
me choosing not to be small has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong, too much, too little, or holding me back.

Though you did so in the past.

I guess I scared you.
With this big heart, high amplitude emotions and a way of feeling deep.

But you know,
the world doesn’t need me to be small.
I’ve tried that path and it didn’t work out well.
It hurt me and suffocated me and everything told me I had more to give.

So here I am.

Stepping into this bigness.

This vastness.

This depth.

A little more.

My bigness doesn’t come with violence.
My bigness doesn’t come with manipulation.

It comes with shattering courage and screams and tears and hysterical laughter.
It comes with love.
It comes with so much I don’t know if I can’t hold it.

And I don’t care.
And care more than ever.

Come with me.

Don’t hold my hand – you may hold me back.
Don’t wrap your arms around me tightly – you may hold me back.
Don’t tell me to go slow – you may hold me back.
Don’t tell me to be careful – you may hold me back.
Don’t tell me I don’t know – you may hold me back.

Today I choose not to be small.

Can you love me there?

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