There’s a shift happening in my world. And maybe in yours too.

I’m not talking about the shift from 3D to 5D, not anything that has to do with frequencies.

It’s also not something new. This has happened many times before, and likely will happen many times again.

It’s the shift in how my world looks.

It happened when I came out as energy healer (oh yes, it’s how I made my first money as entrepreneur, I can do some magic with my hands), as polyamorous, as kinkster, and when I started running my juicy business as I do.

But this one is quite extreme.

First of all, the way my daily life looks like changes. With a global pandemic and healing from Lyme’s, my days have to look different. From homeschooling, to long walks, to no workshops, to online communities.

The outer world reflects

What impacts me more is the reflection of the changes in people around me.

Yes, this shy-girl-recovering is stepping up more. I’m not afraid speaking up about abuse, bypassing, or other behaviour that, to me, seems harmful to others.

Not everybody likes that. Others do.

I also have learned in my work that my values (respects, integrity, consent, understanding of power dynamics) are more important than basically anything else. I have stopped co-creating with most people I used to work with, only continuing and focusing on those that are aligned. It’s costing me lucrative career options, festival invitations and friendships. But it brought me self-love and trust.

Why am I writing this?

Because I want you to know that you might me in a big transition too. And you might feel lonely and insecure, not knowing where the change will bring you. And who will be there with you.

I know I’ve been in that place many times, and still find myself there. Now too: I have no idea what my business will look like in 2021. I’ll manage until March or so, but then I really need to create way more income than I make now. Somehow. On a daily base I’m reading social media posts (I really should stop doing that) from people I once trusted deeply, and see them harming others, bypassing, getting lost in places that look like cults (I know they are more tempting in rougher times!), enabling abusers and those spreading misinformation for personal gain (come on, let’s ditch JP Sears for once and for all please), and so on. I take my distance, but with an aching heart.

At the same time I’m calling in allies and finding them. New people to co-create with. New friends. A new partner (ūüíô).

We don’t have to rush through the mess

The place in the chrysalis where the caterpillar turns into a butterfly (once again) is messy. These dark December days are messy.

And we don’t have to change that. We don’t have to bring anything into whatever kind of light. It’s okay to sit with the darkness. To grief. To scream. To cry with fluids dripping from your eyes, nose, and mouth. To burn something. To tear something apart. (Just don’t harm yourself, others, or the place where you are).

It doesn’t have to be beautiful. Or maybe we should redefine beauty, as to me, there’s a lot of beauty in the mess.

So if you are here with me, in the midst of this transition to something new, than breathe with me.

Spring will come again. It will create space for new. And don’t pass this part by too fast.