My Detox Challenge

Detox challenge

I decided to do a detoxing diet. Starting today, I’m stuffing myself with chocolate, croissants, avocado and more chocolate. Let me explain… Physical reasons for detoxing I have done a lot of work on accepting my body over the years, and come quite far. I accept my curves and my belly, which is not as tight or flat as before three pregnancies.  But I also feel that I’m not being very caring for my body. I’m indulging on chocolate almost daily and not always as dedicated to my yoga practice as I aim to be. I also believe that years of using antibiotics every now and then (last time for two months in a row to control my chronic skin…

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Are you a food addict like me?

Are you a food addict like me?

Many of us are addicted to food and we don’t know it. According to Food Addicts Anonymous “Food addiction manifests itself in the uncontrollable craving for excess food that follows the ingestion of refined carbohydrates, primarily sugar and flour substances that are quickly metabolized and turned into sugar in the bloodstream.” Now it wouldn’t be so bad if we could eat that chocolate chip cookies or Ben and Jerry’s Utter Peanut Butter Clutter Cookie Core without consequences, but: “Due to those uncontrollable cravings, a food addict’s quality of life deteriorates when he or she eats sugar, flour or wheat. It can deteriorate physically, emotionally, socially and/or spiritually.” Oh darn. Am I a food addict? I eat healthy, mostly vegan and…

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Who’s driving your bus? Three steps to kick out the gremlins and take control of your life

Do you recognize those moments where it feels like you are being lived? That some kind of authority is commanding you to freak out, even though you hardly know why? You look in the mirror and don’t recognize the image of the stamping kid with clenched fists, raging about what s/he’s not getting. He simply asked me for a cup of tea. No more than that. After a long travel to come to see me, he asks me the favor of making him tea. Instead of getting up and giving him something he longs for, I feel rebellion coming up. “Why don’t you get it yourself?” It’s out before I know it. I see the disappointment in his face. The…

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Feeling too much and not good enough

FEELING TOO MUCH AND NOT ENOUGH

Have you ever realized that most of us feel both too much and not enough at the same time? Too loud, too present, too quiet, too fat, too small, too shy. not good enough, not loved enough, not smart enough, not fast enough, not rich enough. Yes, they are different sides of the same medal of self-judgment, although they tend to have different results. Feeling too much results in hiding, while feeling not enough results in over-acting. We try to compensate what we believe how the outer world experiences us. That’s called projection. We project an image of ourselves onto others, and, while we’re doing this anyway, also assume they will have a certain reaction towards us. We think we…

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(Poem #12) Contemplations

Contemplations

What is to be found outside that’s not within? Still we look around to afraid to realise That we don’t need it the hunting, the looking, the demanding Of what was never ours to begin with. You can never fill a void that is in you With something else that is not yours. Go back inwards Go in backwards Just feel your body It’s your responsibility to realise You have always been complete.

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How Confusion leads to Presence

How confusion leads to presence

My head often feels like a board meeting of an enterprise debating the execution of a delicate million dollar assignment. The chief practical officer brings in arguments of why I have no time to go for a walk of simply stare out of the window. The chief financial officer worries that it won’t bring in enough money. The officer of social affairs tells me this guy is probably only interested in sex, while the chief officer of mommy-issues tells me I should feel guilty for not spending these minutes playing with my kids. The food officer tells me I should only eat healthy things, while the clerk dealing with emotional affairs believes chocolate is always permitted. When it comes to…

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On the desire for control

relax

Life is such a vast experience, that it’s hard to grasp. On the one hand we try to keep ourselves small. We tell each other about all the impossibilities in our days, how we can’t manage or aren’t allowed to. Making our lives small is a coping mechanism for those who can’t see the vastness and the abundance. Another coping mechanism is control. Whether it is about our own decisions or those of others, control gives us a sense of direction, of having influence on our world. But it’s false security. Nothing can ever be controlled. There is no way we can predict the course of a day, let alone of all days of all those people around us. Now…

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(Poem#6) Shattered Dreams

Shattered dreams

The dreams I had of you Lay shattered on the floor I smashed them into pieces When I finally saw clearly.   I thought I was nothing Insecure and afraid I believed you were perfect The flawless example for me to strive for.   I’d put you on a pedestal A ivory tower of ‘this is who I should be’ And I couldn’t stand beside you As I made myself small.   You didn’t make me to. You didn’t want me to.   But now I grow stronger Letting go of these shells that don’t fit anymore Letting go of the filters that color my sight Making me see That filter that consists of projections, assumptions and fear.   You’re…

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Your thoughts are lying to you – and 3 steps to break the pattern

Yout thoughts are lying to you - and three steps to break the pattern

It’s a Tuesday evening. I love to spend my Tuesday evenings in Amsterdam, in a club where they organize amazing barefoot dancing events. Since I come there quite often, I know a lot of the people. Lovely human beings, warm hearted, open and curious. Halfway the evening I see a friend leaving. I was dancing and he passed me by very closely, following his friend. Until that moment I felt great. But suddenly my thoughts go wild. “Why is he leaving without saying anything? He must not like me anymore! What did I do, was I unkind in some way?” My vibe changes. I had been feeling beautiful, open, warm and happy. But in a few seconds I felt insecure,…

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