Embracing Anger

Anger, for me, is an emotion I easily bypass from a place of reason. But tapping into anger can be an amazing tool to release, as well as to feel our boundaries. There is a caveat though. When we, consciously or unconsciously, direct our unprocessed anger at someone, we can break all that we love. So how can we release anger ánd set boundaries without unnecessarily hurting others and fucking up our relationships?

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What Does it Mean to Hold Someone?

To hold space. To be there for someone. What is that, what does it mean? To me, it means being fully present with someone, without wanting to change anything. It’s dropping my agenda about what they need to feel, understand, go through, drop, invite or change. It’s offering my heart, wide open, and ask for nothing on return. It’s letting go of my own desires while keeping my boundaries in check. It’s allowing the process to unfold without wanting it to move in any certain direction. It’s being able to drop taking any of the process personal. To drop the idea that I’m decreasing or increasing the depth of the process. It’s not about me. It’s being patient, taking the…

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The Epicness of Love – with Monique Darling

I’m meeting with one of the people I love most in the world, Monique darling, at the marriage of our shared friends Eugene Hedlund and Fia Forstrom. Looking at the big love surrounding us, we share about the epicness of Love.

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B-SMART: A Tool for Navigating Edgy Spaces

B-SMART

  Navigating edgy spaces can be, well, edgy. Most of us grew learning very little about clear communication. Especially around intimacy. It seems to me often we’re almost secretly trying to approach someone. Because we’re afraid of rejection? Because we have no idea how to ask for what we want? There are many components to why communication around intimacy is not that easy. For people coming to my intimate spaces I’ve created an abbreviation: B-SMART. It covers all the basic information I found out I want to know before moving into any intimate interaction with another person. ⇝ We actually practice these conversations in my play parties, and though people fear their awkwardness, they often turn out to be the most…

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“Meditate every Day for Ten Minutes. Unless You have No Time…”

Riding with Benthe

  ‘Meditate ten minutes every day. Unless you’re busy. Then meditate an hour.’ It’s so easy to cut down on self-care, slowing down, you-time. Don’t. You’re the most important resource that you have. And even if you don’t have time: Stop. Take a deep breathe. Look at a tree, a plant in your office, or this photo. Put a hand on your hard. Take another deep breathe. Notice gravity. Feel your hand. Welcome back. Photo was taken last week horseriding in the Dutch jungle. Unfiltered in all possible ways.

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Experiences in Non-Monogamy: Finding myself as a Secure Center

Open relating can be an escape from exploring deeper within (I wrote about it on my blog, just do a search for ‘polyamory’ on my website) – connecting with many can be an escape from facing fears. But connecting with multiple people can also be a deep dive into creating a more secure attachment system. A sharing of my current personal explorations.

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Choose People Who Choose You

This image is the background of my WhatsApp conversations. ‘Choose People Who Choose You’, in big, fat, bold letters. It’s a constant reminder to myself to be me. It’s so easy to edit ourselves for the purpose of being liked. I guess it’s an implicit trait most of us have. We’re social beings, we need our herd, our tribe, to be safe and survive. So we need to be accepted, liked, or even loved. I have witnessed it in myself so often. I would walk into a room, and straightly adapt my words, posture, and behavior to the people I’m with. To a certain degree that’s beautiful, as respecting a culture or family habits. But it’s different when it takes…

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To the Men I Love

Dear Beloved,   Thank you for opening up to me For witnessing me in all that I am For your courage to open your heart and soul for me.   Our love may come in different shapes as friends or lovers – or something in between and it may change every day.   You’re not my partner As I am my own main ally I need to learn to hold myself When I’m celebrating and when I’m afraid.   Yes, I am desiring a King Someone to stand next to me and to sit on the throne that stands next to mine.   I dust it off every now and then, but I don’t rush to fill it as it…

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It’s Okay to Ask for Confirmation

I believe it’s okay to ask confirmation from people when you feel insecure. Here are two reasons why.

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