Embracing Anger

Anger, for me, is an emotion I easily bypass from a place of reason. But tapping into anger can be an amazing tool to release, as well as to feel our boundaries. There is a caveat though. When we, consciously or unconsciously, direct our unprocessed anger at someone, we can break all that we love. So how can we release anger ánd set boundaries without unnecessarily hurting others and fucking up our relationships?

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Intimacy is So Much More than Sex – with Jamie Catto

Me and Jamie Catto talking about what intimacy is, how sex can be more than rubbing things together.  Sex is not just an act. But culture teaches us to approach sex in a ‘yang’ manner: directed actions with a clear goal in mind. But when we learn to listen to our bodies and the bodies we’re playing with, sex becomes a different experience. The best sex doesn’t depend completely on what you’re doing; but on how you’re doing it. Also: Jamie & I talking means loads of hilarity and not taking things too seriously.

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The Power of Bondage

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of kink. The play with polarities, leading and surrendering can be an amazing path of personal growth. Ropes are a tool that we can use to emphasize the leading or surrendering pole. Being tied, there’s literally nowhere to go as your ability to move is restricted. Ropes are so much more than ropes: it’s a complete experience.

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The Fine Line between Things to Face & Boundaries

One of the most common pitfalls in the field of personal growth that I see is the belief that we have to face everything that triggers a response in us. After doing my research, I concluded this is absolute nonsense. Not everything we face is a challenge to overcome. Some things are a boundary, and we can say a loud and clear ‘no’ to the experience. Sometimes it can be a fine line whether something is a challenge or fear worth facing, or when it’s a boundary. I’m using my rollercoaster-analogy to explain how I feel the difference between what I do and don’t want to face.

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Balance is in the Extremes

To me, balance isn’t a steady state. Balance rather is the ‘average’ of extremes. Being introvert and extrovert. Being shy and outgoing. Bringing the kids to school, and traveling the world giving kinky workshops. Just to name a few..  

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B-SMART: A Tool for Navigating Edgy Spaces

B-SMART

  Navigating edgy spaces can be, well, edgy. Most of us grew learning very little about clear communication. Especially around intimacy. It seems to me often we’re almost secretly trying to approach someone. Because we’re afraid of rejection? Because we have no idea how to ask for what we want? There are many components to why communication around intimacy is not that easy. For people coming to my intimate spaces I’ve created an abbreviation: B-SMART. It covers all the basic information I found out I want to know before moving into any intimate interaction with another person. ⇝ We actually practice these conversations in my play parties, and though people fear their awkwardness, they often turn out to be the most…

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“Meditate every Day for Ten Minutes. Unless You have No Time…”

Riding with Benthe

  ‘Meditate ten minutes every day. Unless you’re busy. Then meditate an hour.’ It’s so easy to cut down on self-care, slowing down, you-time. Don’t. You’re the most important resource that you have. And even if you don’t have time: Stop. Take a deep breathe. Look at a tree, a plant in your office, or this photo. Put a hand on your hard. Take another deep breathe. Notice gravity. Feel your hand. Welcome back. Photo was taken last week horseriding in the Dutch jungle. Unfiltered in all possible ways.

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