(Poem#6) Shattered Dreams

Shattered dreams

The dreams I had of you Lay shattered on the floor I smashed them into pieces When I finally saw clearly.   I thought I was nothing Insecure and afraid I believed you were perfect The flawless example for me to strive for.   I’d put you on a pedestal A ivory tower of ‘this is who I should be’ And I couldn’t stand beside you As I made myself small.   You didn’t make me to. You didn’t want me to.   But now I grow stronger Letting go of these shells that don’t fit anymore Letting go of the filters that color my sight Making me see That filter that consists of projections, assumptions and fear.   You’re…

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On following your heart’s desire

On following your heart’s desire

There’s nothing you have to do right now. There’s not a single reason for pushing yourself beyond your heart’s desires. Look around you. Look now and see what’ve already created? There will be things you believe can change. But do you see the beauty? The success? The light? We tend to be so hard, so tough. But what for? When we die, we die empty-handed. We die alone. This life, this beautiful life! This is all we have. Celebrate! Celebrate by following your heart’s desire, your inner light. Simply ask yourself: “What do I need right now? What brings me joy, peace, love?” Listen to your desires. Don’t’t worry if they are unconventional or weird, for these labels are just…

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Your thoughts are lying to you – and 3 steps to break the pattern

Yout thoughts are lying to you - and three steps to break the pattern

It’s a Tuesday evening. I love to spend my Tuesday evenings in Amsterdam, in a club where they organize amazing barefoot dancing events. Since I come there quite often, I know a lot of the people. Lovely human beings, warm hearted, open and curious. Halfway the evening I see a friend leaving. I was dancing and he passed me by very closely, following his friend. Until that moment I felt great. But suddenly my thoughts go wild. “Why is he leaving without saying anything? He must not like me anymore! What did I do, was I unkind in some way?” My vibe changes. I had been feeling beautiful, open, warm and happy. But in a few seconds I felt insecure,…

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Fulfilling emotional needs: neediness vs. taking responsibility

Fulfilling emotional needs

It’s a Saturday evening. You are dancing at a wonderful party. Completely captured by the music you move without thinking. Your eyes are closed. Suddenly you realize there’s someone standing in front of you. Soft hands touch your arms and take a firm hold of your hands. You open your eyes and gaze into two beautiful brown eyes. You have never met the person before, yet you melt together in a dance that wakes up all your senses. Eventually, you get tired of dancing and sit down together, snuggled up in a corner. You exchange names but skip the chit chat. You dive into deep conversations and forget time and space completely. Suddenly the music stops and the lights switch…

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Looking Within – Acceptance vs. Setting Borders

Am I really worthy taking this place? Am I good enough to hold my space on this ground? I might be bothering somebody, standing in their light and putting them in my shadow. Should I accept everything that is happening in my life? Or is it okay – maybe just as good – to walk away instead of staying? To say ‘stop’ instead of ‘welcome’? I am playing with my answers to these questions. After many hours of tears, outbursts of overflowing love, anger and tears, my body surrenders and opens. It hurts. Physically and mentally. But underneath it is a stable foundation of trust and love, without conditions or conditionings. After many hours of sharing words, awareness and presence,…

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“I wasn’t myself then”

“I went to a party and met someone I really liked, but he didn’t get a chance to see the real me, because I felt shy.” Who did he see? “I was so angry, I wasn’t myself anymore.” Who felt angry? “At that point in my life I really wasn’t myself.” Who were you? There are moments in our life where we seem to have difficulties to identity ourselves with who we are. We simply say we weren’t ourselves. Is that really true? Let’s explore this phenomenon of ‘not being who we are’. If we aren’t ourselves, who are we? Although science can do a lot of things, up until now nobody can become another person. ‘I was so angry,…

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(Poem #3) The Surrender to Life

What would happen if I give up the war inside me? What would happen if I give up giving names to Right and Wrong? What would happen if I give up striving for a goal that seems out of reach? What would happen if I give up to try to fulfill projections, assumptions, images, expectations that were never truly mine? What would happen if I give up the neediness to solve all questions? What would happen if I give up trying to understand it all? What would happen if I give up all that no longer serves me? What would happen if I give up the idea that everything is complicated and I need to work hard to earn valuation?…

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Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

The lead I am standing on a dance floor, blindfolded. The men walk through this darkened forest of sight-deprived women. We cannot see the men, but we hear their footsteps and the rustling of their clothes. “Now stop in front of a woman of your choosing. Let her know you are there. Take her hand and seduce her into a dance. Lead her beyond the edges of her comfort zone and let her fly.” There’s a man in front of me, I can feel his presence. A shy hand takes my right hand, followed seconds later by the other hand grabbing my left. The contact feels flaccid. When the music starts I feel insecure and far from grounded. Will this…

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Video – My practise of dealing with emotions

This morning I felt so sad. It was a feeling beyond ratio. At first I identified with the sadness. I am sad. Those moments are the toughest. As soon as I realise that it’s not me who is the sadness, but that there are feelings of sadness passing through my system, the process of allowing the emotion to flow through me starts. I shared a little message on Facebook: “One of those days… There is so much sadness that wants to pass through me. My mind doubts whether I can really deal with all challenges life shows me. I feel empty, there’s physical pain, energy drains everywhere. I still feel soft, observing all that comes by. I’m still standing and…

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Let your belly fuel your dreams

Let your belly fuel your dreams

There are many ways in which you can live your life. You can choose to focus on your mind and let your thinking direct your path. You can also choose to let your heart guide you on a path of love. On my personal menu there were only those two dishes, and I couldn’t choose both of them at the same time. I considered my past as mind-based lived, whereas from the time I let go of the expectations I believed others had of me, I lived my life heart centered. But I have come to realize that head and heart are both amazing. They are two favors that combine nicely, like peanut butter and jelly. But there is more:…

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