Fulfilling emotional needs: neediness vs. taking responsibility

Fulfilling emotional needs

It’s a Saturday evening. You are dancing at a wonderful party. Completely captured by the music you move without thinking. Your eyes are closed. Suddenly you realize there’s someone standing in front of you. Soft hands touch your arms and take a firm hold of your hands. You open your eyes and gaze into two beautiful brown eyes. You have never met the person before, yet you melt together in a dance that wakes up all your senses. Eventually, you get tired of dancing and sit down together, snuggled up in a corner. You exchange names but skip the chit chat. You dive into deep conversations and forget time and space completely. Suddenly the music stops and the lights switch…

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Looking Within – Acceptance vs. Setting Borders

Am I really worthy taking this place? Am I good enough to hold my space on this ground? I might be bothering somebody, standing in their light and putting them in my shadow. Should I accept everything that is happening in my life? Or is it okay – maybe just as good – to walk away instead of staying? To say ‘stop’ instead of ‘welcome’? I am playing with my answers to these questions. After many hours of tears, outbursts of overflowing love, anger and tears, my body surrenders and opens. It hurts. Physically and mentally. But underneath it is a stable foundation of trust and love, without conditions or conditionings. After many hours of sharing words, awareness and presence,…

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“I wasn’t myself then”

“I went to a party and met someone I really liked, but he didn’t get a chance to see the real me, because I felt shy.” Who did he see? “I was so angry, I wasn’t myself anymore.” Who felt angry? “At that point in my life I really wasn’t myself.” Who were you? There are moments in our life where we seem to have difficulties to identity ourselves with who we are. We simply say we weren’t ourselves. Is that really true? Let’s explore this phenomenon of ‘not being who we are’. If we aren’t ourselves, who are we? Although science can do a lot of things, up until now nobody can become another person. ‘I was so angry,…

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(Poem #3) The Surrender to Life

What would happen if I give up the war inside me? What would happen if I give up giving names to Right and Wrong? What would happen if I give up striving for a goal that seems out of reach? What would happen if I give up to try to fulfill projections, assumptions, images, expectations that were never truly mine? What would happen if I give up the neediness to solve all questions? What would happen if I give up trying to understand it all? What would happen if I give up all that no longer serves me? What would happen if I give up the idea that everything is complicated and I need to work hard to earn valuation?…

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Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

The lead I am standing on a dance floor, blindfolded. The men walk through this darkened forest of sight-deprived women. We cannot see the men, but we hear their footsteps and the rustling of their clothes. “Now stop in front of a woman of your choosing. Let her know you are there. Take her hand and seduce her into a dance. Lead her beyond the edges of her comfort zone and let her fly.” There’s a man in front of me, I can feel his presence. A shy hand takes my right hand, followed seconds later by the other hand grabbing my left. The contact feels flaccid. When the music starts I feel insecure and far from grounded. Will this…

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Video – My practise of dealing with emotions

This morning I felt so sad. It was a feeling beyond ratio. At first I identified with the sadness. I am sad. Those moments are the toughest. As soon as I realise that it’s not me who is the sadness, but that there are feelings of sadness passing through my system, the process of allowing the emotion to flow through me starts. I shared a little message on Facebook: “One of those days… There is so much sadness that wants to pass through me. My mind doubts whether I can really deal with all challenges life shows me. I feel empty, there’s physical pain, energy drains everywhere. I still feel soft, observing all that comes by. I’m still standing and…

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Let your belly fuel your dreams

Let your belly fuel your dreams

There are many ways in which you can live your life. You can choose to focus on your mind and let your thinking direct your path. You can also choose to let your heart guide you on a path of love. On my personal menu there were only those two dishes, and I couldn’t choose both of them at the same time. I considered my past as mind-based lived, whereas from the time I let go of the expectations I believed others had of me, I lived my life heart centered. But I have come to realize that head and heart are both amazing. They are two favors that combine nicely, like peanut butter and jelly. But there is more:…

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Letting Go of Self-Expectancy

Can you imagine yourself sitting under a tree or on your couch, letting go of the things you have to do according to yourself? Not to work on that deadline, leaving your house messy, not sending that email, not returning that call, not writing your book, not bathing your kids, not going shopping, not putting wise or funny messages on Facebook… To just be in the moment. I have tried it often over the last days and you know what? It completely freaked me out each time. I would start feeling nervous, making to do lists in my mind, on Trello, on a sheet of paper nearby… my still painful foot prevented me (and still does) from taking physical action.…

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The real, vulnerable, naked version of me

Wilrieke naked

I knew I had been fighting with myself for days again. There is a certain fear stuck inside me and I do not succeed accepting it. I try to hide it. Resist it. Fight it. Not only over the past few days these emotions came haunting me, but for many days over the last months and years I felt it. What do I feel? When I let someone come close to me -the real, vulnerable, naked me- it frightens me. I become afraid they will hurt me. A part of me sends out warning signals. Be careful! Protect yourself! Take distance! Guard yourself! There are three components at this moment that bring these feelings to the surface, stronger than ever…

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On Feeling Alone

The dark symbolizes loneliness. The bottom of the well where you lie, curled up, with nobody around or aware of your presence. Nobody to recognize your existence. Nobody to confirm to you that you take a place in this world. This is confusion. To know the light, you have to embrace the dark. You have to recognize the dark for what it is. It is not a place of despair, sadness and cruelty caused by others upon you. It never is. Your darkness is your teacher. Loneliness is nothing but the key to what you no longer need, the bottom of the well is the passage to freedom – to heaven. What can you do when you feel like you…

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