(Video) The Patterns in Insecure Relating

Patterns in relating

The players may change, but the play stays the same. Have you ever noticed that? Even though you may be working on yourself, some patterns in your relationship game seen to stay. I’m mainly anxiously attached, with a wired-in fear of abandonment. During a week long retreat I was in, I got my patterns played out loud and clear. In my face.

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(Video) Coming Back to safety

Coming back to safety

A few days ago I made a video in which I shared how my nervous system was shaken up by meeting someone.The sense of safety and welcoming blew me straight into an anxious response. Now, a few days later, I feel completely calm and relaxed again. Let me share you about this process too. P.s. this is the link to the previous video

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Self-Care and Structure

Self-care and structure

I used to be so bad at self-care. Or at creating structure. I’m a person with a lot of energy. That means I can create a lot (while being a mum and whatnot) – it also means that I can procrastinate and be in my own way like a boss. Being in my own way is arguably the most destructive thing in my world. I will escape into behavior that I think is supporting me (like mindless browsing on social media, eating sugary things) but drains me more than anything else. To channel the intensity of feelings and energy that I have into creation, I need some structure. They may come in the form of deadlines or appointments or the…

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(Video) The Response of my Fearful Nervous System to Safety

Fearful nervous system

The desire for feeling safe with other people is a very legitimate desire, and an antidote to the sometimes obsessive quest for facing fears, and challenging ourselves way beyond our comfort zone. But what happens when a nervous system that is wired in a sensitive way, and used to creating unsafe situations, is faced with safety? A very personal case study.

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‘Mum, there’s hair under your arm!’

My youngest daughter, aged 7, hugged me yesterday and yelled in an amused, surprised way: “Mom, there’s hair under your arm!” And I told her about female bodies, how they grow, develop, change. That it’s absolutely normal that hair grows at certain places. That we can choose to remove it, and choose to let it be. That right now, I love it to be there. And I tell my girls that it’s normal that their bodies get curves. That the straight line from their shoulders to their hips will look more like a violin than a plank. That their booties grow fuller. And that it’s all absolutely normal and beautiful. I tell them many times every day how beautiful I…

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I am Love

Whatever you do Whoever you are There will be implications. As you embrace more of your own juiciness, power, explicitness, and beauty – the stronger the responses will be. The cheering ánd the judging. The projections will increase exponentially. When you look grumpy, the world understands. When you look happy, the world thinks you’re crazy. (so darn spot on, Eugene) The more you create from the heart and belly, The more people will resonate and cheer Or shunt. Or ‘borrow’ your stuff more often without consent and credits than with. It’s probably how the world always worked And will continue working. Breathing through it all. Witnessing my inner parts feeling triggered, relax, wanting to be loved and seen for what I…

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Waking Up Next To A Gorgeous Woman

Rex Whistler - A Nude Study of Lady Caroline

This morning I woke up next to a gorgeous woman. Her back was turned to me, and she was naked. As she had pushed the blankets off of herself, I could look at the curves of her hips, as the rays of sun that sneaked in between the dark blue curtains caressed her, lighting up the feather-like tiny hairs on her body. I felt my heart open wide, my belly glow with loving feelings and a desire to touch her. To let my fingers glide along that curve. To kiss her neck. Or to spoon her again as we did last night. I was quite sure she would love all that, as she was slowly waking up to the tunes…

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We’re In This Together

You know, dear one, You might feel alone out there, on your path of life. Knowing that what the people around you do is not the kind of passionate living that you ambition. You probably feel the strong pull of going beyond imaginary boundaries of right, wrong, and decent. Your soul is calling you in for wild adventures, breaking glass ceilings, and being free. For living beyond what you thought possible, beyond what teachers in school ever taught you. Beyond ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ Rich and famous aren’t good enough. You know there’s more. You feel it deep inside and it’s crystal clear. But the fears and doubts feel so real too. They teach…

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The Longing for Big Love

Alphachanneling

It’s okay to long for Big Love, dear. To feel that trembling longing in your belly that lets you know, from deep inside, that this is something real this Big Love is something that exists and it’s there, for you, too. To feel that overwhelming sadness in your chest that heart-shattering contraction of feeling that it’s out of reach just the tiniest bit. To feel that confusion in your head Are you ready? Is this the moment? Is there something wrong in my relationship/s? Then remember: Confusion is part of Big Love as it invites you to look deeper into your wounds, your readiness to fully step up for what it is that you want, to not accept, any manipulation,…

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The Pain of Losing Presence

The Pain of Losing Presence

We live in a dual world. When we learn what it’s like to be received in full presence, we inherently also learn what it’s like when that full presence is gone. When this other, who is so present with you, suddenly is gone. Doesn’t show up. Breaks an agreement. Can’t see you fully. The pain that comes with that is huge. It reminds us of the original wound of separation that goes back to when we were inside a womb – or possibly before that. The pain that reminds us, maybe unconsciously, of the moments when we were fully depending on our caregivers, and they couldn’t be there every moment we needed them. As that’s pretty much impossible. And then,…

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