Love is a Weird, Projection-Based Thing

Projections and love

It is often said about falling in love: the butterflies are a hormone induced crazy fling where we project all kinds of things onto another human being. Things that we either recognize in ourselves and desire more of, or things that seem the opposite of things in ourselves we desire to get rid off. And it makes sense. Tonight, we celebrated Sinterklaas, a Dutch national festivity where children get gifts from an imaginary Saint (which is the foundation of the story around Santa Claus). Me, my three daughters and their father. Someone I used to be in a relationship with for nine years. Once, we thought the other person was the most amazing person in the world. Finally someone who…

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When a Saboteur Enters our Relationships

I let him go. I had never been loved this much by anyone in my life, and yet I let him go. I had no choice. My nervous system was having a way harder time than I desired, and the longer we were together, the less relaxed I felt about our relationship. Was it me? Was this then the final conclusion I’m not suited for non-monogamy or any way of relating for that matter? Was I an overly dramatic woman unable to deal with anxiety issues? Was it him? Was he lacking in stepping up? Did he need to grow balls and become a real man, able to love a wild woman? It’s Always Two Playing that Game When it…

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(Video) Conscious Relationship Design: What To Do When My Partner Is Avoidant / Afraid of Commitment?

today I choose to live

In any human dynamic, certain patterns will come up. And those patterns will influence how you feel and how you act. It’s a thing: people with a fear of abandonment attract people with a fear of commitment. This is the anxious/avoidant dynamic we sometimes speak about. Is it possible to avoid this trap, or heal it when we’re in it?

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(Video) What are Safer Spaces, and Why are They Important?

A safer spaces is a consciously designed environment to practice life. It’s a laboratory where you can practice doing things and see what the effect is. It’s not a place to do things right. Workshops might leave you with a high, bit not change your life. Embodied imprints can. Choose your workshops, play parties and other safer spaces wisely.

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(Video) Is Tantra Still Safe?

After #metoo and #mentoo and #metoointantra, and now Tantra workshops become more abundant than mushrooms in an autumn forest, what to do and where to go? (Little blurb of WiFi challenges halfway, skip to 3 minutes when it starts to bypass..)

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I’m a Wild Mum

Wild Mum

I’m not the mum who’s waiting at school every day With tea and biscuits ready And patiently plays with dolls.   I’m not the mum who stopped her career Stopped her own ambitions And started putting everyone else first.   I’m not the mum who talks with other mums About the weather or elections in the village (It makes me feel lost).   I’m not the mum who vacuums every day Plans dinners a week ahead And washes windows every Thursday.   I’m not a mum who stayed with their father ‘Because of the kids’. We all deserve more than that.   I’m a Wild Mum.   I’m a mum who still feels an inner drive Of learning and growing…

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These Wings Won’t Fit in a Cocoon Anymore

Don't push me back

And then she said: “I could be insecure again. Like a caterpillar who broke its cocoon to unfold its wings, too afraid to take its space and be carried by the sky, that tries to get back in again. I tried that. But these wings won’t fit in that cocoon anymore unless I’d break them. There’s no other option but to let the air, the sun, the earth and the rain touch me and tease me, test my resilience to come back again. To dry, shake off, breathe and fly again. And I don’t need you – or anyone – to tell me to become a caterpillar again, nor to fly faster than when my wings have dried. I don’t…

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How Deep can You go Before Breakfast?

How deep can you go before breakfast?

Spending some beautiful days in Copenhagen with my beloved. Coincidentally we appeared to have planned time in the same city, already before we met. A rare thing in a fresh, long-distance relationship. Spending days together feels precious. There are many more days where we don’t see each other, have at least a country between us. So I want to not take it for granted. Appreciate the time and savor it. Once I made the choice to live true to my heart. Follow my passion. More recently I made the choice to share my truth, even if means facing the fear of chasing someone away. This morning fear and sadness came up. My oldest and deepest wounds were touched while waking up in…

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I’m so Tired of Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men (video)

Tired of Attracting Emotional Unavailable Men

Originally posted on Elephant Journal. Dear Lover, Or should I say former lover? Ex-lover? I thought that when I let go of you, I was letting go of love: Of that luscious feeling of being held in a warm blanket of never-ending cuddles and soft, smooching kisses, of butterflies, and feeling as blissful as I did looking into your eyes. But you know what happened? It feels like I lifted those rose-tinted glasses from my eyes and see the world more like it is: You and me as the people who we are in this moment—and not the fantasy I had of who we could be together. It happens, right? That when two people meet they only see the beauty in each other.…

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We Cannot Gain or Loose Anything From Others

Often we are as afraid to let someone in close, as to let someone go. I guess neither have to do anything with the other person. There’s both a longing and a fear of feeling deeply – of being touched deeply. But in essence, there is nothing we can ever gain or loose through connecting with another person. The only thing ‘real’ in life is our experience. The movie created that we perceive through our senses. But everything we perceive, we experience *inside* us. There’s no external experience. Think about it: when you see, touch, hear or smell something, where do you exactly experience it? And so other people are mirrors. Reminders. They remind us of what we long for,…

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