My Favorite Tool for Growth (and Why 50Shades Sucks)

Being a sexual person

Over the years there have been many tools that helped me grow from a shy girl into the woman I am today. One of my favorites and most helpful tools I have encountered is kink. It helped me step outside the social paradigms around gender. It helped me state my boundaries and desires. It made me feel my power.  

Continue reading

Changing Attachment Dynamics Can Feel So Wrong

Wilrieke wearing her boyfriends blue checkered shirt

It’s interesting. How when changing the patterns around me, the results become different. Of course. Different input (by conscious choice) creates a different output. But the brain! My mind says: “It’s different, which is not the usual pattern, which means whatever is happening is wrong!” ~ I have worked hard to break through the pattern of attracting avoidant men, which mainly was breaking through the safety-measurements I took to keep a safe distance from intimacy (because avoidant/unavailable men will never come completely close, supporting my fear of intimacy, and we both felt comfortable yet unfulfilled – and often easily triggered as this anxious/avoidant dynamic creates very little safety). But then, when this pattern breaks, and I decide that I actually…

Continue reading

Do I really want what I think I want?

Lately, I’m enjoying entertaining myself contemplating if I really want what I think I want. I think I know about all the things that I want, and I enjoy time meditating as if what I want is there. You know, the first step in the Law of Attraction, right before taking conscious action towards these dreams. But do I really want what I think I want? Take the example of attracting a romantic partner. Around me, I have quite a bunch of amazing, single, female friends. We all want a similar thing: a conscious man, adventurous, tantricly experienced, amazing lover, hot body, and maybe some nicely placed tattoos and piercings. A man who is beyond the nice guy pitfalls, who…

Continue reading

Dealing with Overwhelm

This morning I woke up feeling completely overwhelmed. Not because of bad things – because there is a lot of high-intensity awesomeness going on in my life. Plus a vast to-do list. We need self-care. Even though people might still run the paradigm that self-care is selfish. But in my opinion, it’s the least selfish thing we can do. because when we feel good, we have so much more to give.

Continue reading

Experiences in Non-Monogamy: Finding myself as a Secure Center

Open relating can be an escape from exploring deeper within (I wrote about it on my blog, just do a search for ‘polyamory’ on my website) – connecting with many can be an escape from facing fears. But connecting with multiple people can also be a deep dive into creating a more secure attachment system. A sharing of my current personal explorations.

Continue reading

To the Men I Love

Dear Beloved,   Thank you for opening up to me For witnessing me in all that I am For your courage to open your heart and soul for me.   Our love may come in different shapes as friends or lovers – or something in between and it may change every day.   You’re not my partner As I am my own main ally I need to learn to hold myself When I’m celebrating and when I’m afraid.   Yes, I am desiring a King Someone to stand next to me and to sit on the throne that stands next to mine.   I dust it off every now and then, but I don’t rush to fill it as it…

Continue reading

Honoring my Hunger: Letting Go of Deeper Layers of ‘Too-Muchness’

It started with feeling too much by feeling not enough. I tackled that in the process of stepping more into my power. But the fear of being too much to another being is still present. How does that manifest, and what to do with it?

Continue reading