How to Stay Sane in Relationships – with Jamie Catto

I love talking with my dear friend Jamie Catto. Sometimes we record our sessions to be able to share them with you. Does the name Jamie Catto ring a bell? Jamie is an amazing musician (co-founding the legendary band Faithless and nowadays still bringing amazing musicians together. He’s a great documentary maker. he created 1 GiantLeap and What About me?, where he and Duncan Bridgeman travel the world to create music with widely know pop stars (Michael Stipe, Alanis Morisette) as well as indigenous musicians, and then combining that with words of wise people like Stephen Fry and Kurt Vonnegut. He recently released Becoming Nobody, capturing the message of Baba Ram Dass, and managed to release that just before Ram Dass…

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It’s Time to Debunk some Myths about Personal Growth

There are some myths going around in the personal growth and conscious workshop scene. Not just amongst participants, but amongst teachers too. Let me debunk a few. Note: this is my personal experience. Not double referenced scientific research. ❧ Magic happens outside our comfort zone. Largely false. Every time I see that picture of a comfort zone and then magic happening far outside it, I want to scream THAT’S NOT TRUE! Because far outside of our comfort zone, is where fear happens. When we stretch ourselves too much, our survival mechanisms kick in. At best, we survive. At worst, we retraumatize ourselves. Magic happens júst outside our comfort zone. ❧ You learn through catharsis, facing pain and fear. “If you…

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Changing Attachment Dynamics Can Feel So Wrong

Wilrieke wearing her boyfriends blue checkered shirt

It’s interesting. How when changing the patterns around me, the results become different. Of course. Different input (by conscious choice) creates a different output. But the brain! My mind says: “It’s different, which is not the usual pattern, which means whatever is happening is wrong!” ~ I have worked hard to break through the pattern of attracting avoidant men, which mainly was breaking through the safety-measurements I took to keep a safe distance from intimacy (because avoidant/unavailable men will never come completely close, supporting my fear of intimacy, and we both felt comfortable yet unfulfilled – and often easily triggered as this anxious/avoidant dynamic creates very little safety). But then, when this pattern breaks, and I decide that I actually…

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When Anxious meets Secure – Attachment Dynamics

We all have attachment patterns. Some of us are securely attached, and have no challenges letting intimacy come close. Others are insecurely attached, and love can be the thing we most crave and fear at the same time. We have our preferred strategies, that are either anxious or avoidant. In my experience (rather than some theories say), these strategies aren’t fixed, but dependent on who we meet, when, where, etc. This is what I, primarily anxiously attached person, encounter when meeting someone who feels secure. P.s. check my previous videos or blog for more about attachment patterns

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Nothing Happens in Winter. Or?

Nothing happens in winter

Human processes are like the seasons in a temperate climate. There are the bigger waves, aligned with the seasons where the general tendency in summer is to go on adventures, and in winter many of us like to snuggle under a blanket with a book. Then there are the individual waves of our personal climate, where we have our own patterns and rhythms of waves moving inwards and outwards (though an interesting question may be if humans in different climatological seasons may have different flows). Our disposition on the introvert – extravert scale probably adds in, as well as tons of other factors. But most people recognize the four seasons in their journey of personal growth. Spring, where we sow.…

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Intimacy is So Much More than Sex – with Jamie Catto

Me and Jamie Catto talking about what intimacy is, how sex can be more than rubbing things together.  Sex is not just an act. But culture teaches us to approach sex in a ‘yang’ manner: directed actions with a clear goal in mind. But when we learn to listen to our bodies and the bodies we’re playing with, sex becomes a different experience. The best sex doesn’t depend completely on what you’re doing; but on how you’re doing it. Also: Jamie & I talking means loads of hilarity and not taking things too seriously.

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The Fine Line between Things to Face & Boundaries

One of the most common pitfalls in the field of personal growth that I see is the belief that we have to face everything that triggers a response in us. After doing my research, I concluded this is absolute nonsense. Not everything we face is a challenge to overcome. Some things are a boundary, and we can say a loud and clear ‘no’ to the experience. Sometimes it can be a fine line whether something is a challenge or fear worth facing, or when it’s a boundary. I’m using my rollercoaster-analogy to explain how I feel the difference between what I do and don’t want to face.

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What Does it Mean to Hold Someone?

To hold space. To be there for someone. What is that, what does it mean? To me, it means being fully present with someone, without wanting to change anything. It’s dropping my agenda about what they need to feel, understand, go through, drop, invite or change. It’s offering my heart, wide open, and ask for nothing on return. It’s letting go of my own desires while keeping my boundaries in check. It’s allowing the process to unfold without wanting it to move in any certain direction. It’s being able to drop taking any of the process personal. To drop the idea that I’m decreasing or increasing the depth of the process. It’s not about me. It’s being patient, taking the…

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It’s Okay to Ask for Confirmation

I believe it’s okay to ask confirmation from people when you feel insecure. Here are two reasons why.

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(Poem #20) The Books You Devoured

Leaving it all behind worries, sorrows, and doubts Letting your soul fly beyond the vast skies Allowing the unfolding of mysteries and stories That you never read in the books you devoured The movies you saw Or what they told you life would be like Holding the pencil and the eraser You are the biggest artist of them all.

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