How to Stay Sane in Relationships – with Jamie Catto

I love talking with my dear friend Jamie Catto. Sometimes we record our sessions to be able to share them with you. Does the name Jamie Catto ring a bell? Jamie is an amazing musician (co-founding the legendary band Faithless and nowadays still bringing amazing musicians together. He’s a great documentary maker. he created 1 GiantLeap and What About me?, where he and Duncan Bridgeman travel the world to create music with widely know pop stars (Michael Stipe, Alanis Morisette) as well as indigenous musicians, and then combining that with words of wise people like Stephen Fry and Kurt Vonnegut. He recently released Becoming Nobody, capturing the message of Baba Ram Dass, and managed to release that just before Ram Dass…

Continue reading

It’s Time to Debunk some Myths about Personal Growth

There are some myths going around in the personal growth and conscious workshop scene. Not just amongst participants, but amongst teachers too. Let me debunk a few. Note: this is my personal experience. Not double referenced scientific research. ❧ Magic happens outside our comfort zone. Largely false. Every time I see that picture of a comfort zone and then magic happening far outside it, I want to scream THAT’S NOT TRUE! Because far outside of our comfort zone, is where fear happens. When we stretch ourselves too much, our survival mechanisms kick in. At best, we survive. At worst, we retraumatize ourselves. Magic happens júst outside our comfort zone. ❧ You learn through catharsis, facing pain and fear. “If you…

Continue reading

My Favorite Tool for Growth (and Why 50Shades Sucks)

Being a sexual person

Over the years there have been many tools that helped me grow from a shy girl into the woman I am today. One of my favorites and most helpful tools I have encountered is kink. It helped me step outside the social paradigms around gender. It helped me state my boundaries and desires. It made me feel my power.  

Continue reading

Changing Attachment Dynamics Can Feel So Wrong

Wilrieke wearing her boyfriends blue checkered shirt

It’s interesting. How when changing the patterns around me, the results become different. Of course. Different input (by conscious choice) creates a different output. But the brain! My mind says: “It’s different, which is not the usual pattern, which means whatever is happening is wrong!” ~ I have worked hard to break through the pattern of attracting avoidant men, which mainly was breaking through the safety-measurements I took to keep a safe distance from intimacy (because avoidant/unavailable men will never come completely close, supporting my fear of intimacy, and we both felt comfortable yet unfulfilled – and often easily triggered as this anxious/avoidant dynamic creates very little safety). But then, when this pattern breaks, and I decide that I actually…

Continue reading

Sitting with Overwhelmed Children

Eight years ago on this night, I wasn’t sleeping. My body was feeling the contractions of my third child coming. The Little Pirate was on her way. Her birth was special. It was calm, peaceful, fast. Just like her sisters, she came out of my womb on a stool in front of the fridge in our kitchen. No pain killers, all-natural, her father sitting behind me and a nurse to guide her straight into my arms. She didn’t cry. She just came out at her pace, we looked each other in the eyes, and all was well. Tonight she did cry. Her middle sister too. We’re right in crazy-week. Tomorrow is her birthday. The day after it’s Sinterklaas, maybe the…

Continue reading

When Anxious meets Secure – Attachment Dynamics

We all have attachment patterns. Some of us are securely attached, and have no challenges letting intimacy come close. Others are insecurely attached, and love can be the thing we most crave and fear at the same time. We have our preferred strategies, that are either anxious or avoidant. In my experience (rather than some theories say), these strategies aren’t fixed, but dependent on who we meet, when, where, etc. This is what I, primarily anxiously attached person, encounter when meeting someone who feels secure. P.s. check my previous videos or blog for more about attachment patterns

Continue reading

Nothing Happens in Winter. Or?

Nothing happens in winter

Human processes are like the seasons in a temperate climate. There are the bigger waves, aligned with the seasons where the general tendency in summer is to go on adventures, and in winter many of us like to snuggle under a blanket with a book. Then there are the individual waves of our personal climate, where we have our own patterns and rhythms of waves moving inwards and outwards (though an interesting question may be if humans in different climatological seasons may have different flows). Our disposition on the introvert – extravert scale probably adds in, as well as tons of other factors. But most people recognize the four seasons in their journey of personal growth. Spring, where we sow.…

Continue reading

The Power of Bondage

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of kink. The play with polarities, leading and surrendering can be an amazing path of personal growth. Ropes are a tool that we can use to emphasize the leading or surrendering pole. Being tied, there’s literally nowhere to go as your ability to move is restricted. Ropes are so much more than ropes: it’s a complete experience.

Continue reading

The Fine Line between Things to Face & Boundaries

One of the most common pitfalls in the field of personal growth that I see is the belief that we have to face everything that triggers a response in us. After doing my research, I concluded this is absolute nonsense. Not everything we face is a challenge to overcome. Some things are a boundary, and we can say a loud and clear ‘no’ to the experience. Sometimes it can be a fine line whether something is a challenge or fear worth facing, or when it’s a boundary. I’m using my rollercoaster-analogy to explain how I feel the difference between what I do and don’t want to face.

Continue reading

  • Kinky Tantra 1 and 2