Sitting with Overwhelmed Children

Eight years ago on this night, I wasn’t sleeping. My body was feeling the contractions of my third child coming. The Little Pirate was on her way. Her birth was special. It was calm, peaceful, fast. Just like her sisters, she came out of my womb on a stool in front of the fridge in our kitchen. No pain killers, all-natural, her father sitting behind me and a nurse to guide her straight into my arms. She didn’t cry. She just came out at her pace, we looked each other in the eyes, and all was well. Tonight she did cry. Her middle sister too. We’re right in crazy-week. Tomorrow is her birthday. The day after it’s Sinterklaas, maybe the…

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The Viking & I: Emotions when Entering a New Relationship

You may have seen the Viking on my media. Yep, he’s there. Entering my life the way Vikings do: effectively, present, and thorough. It’s the thing about attracting what you desire: once you actually realize what it is you really need, which may differ from what you want (or may be that, but come from a different direction), all sorts of things may be triggered. I’m welcoming the intense entertainment my head is offering me mostly with a big smile, but also with impatience, compassion, and many other emotions.

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When Anxious meets Secure – Attachment Dynamics

We all have attachment patterns. Some of us are securely attached, and have no challenges letting intimacy come close. Others are insecurely attached, and love can be the thing we most crave and fear at the same time. We have our preferred strategies, that are either anxious or avoidant. In my experience (rather than some theories say), these strategies aren’t fixed, but dependent on who we meet, when, where, etc. This is what I, primarily anxiously attached person, encounter when meeting someone who feels secure. P.s. check my previous videos or blog for more about attachment patterns

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Dealing with Overwhelm

This morning I woke up feeling completely overwhelmed. Not because of bad things – because there is a lot of high-intensity awesomeness going on in my life. Plus a vast to-do list. We need self-care. Even though people might still run the paradigm that self-care is selfish. But in my opinion, it’s the least selfish thing we can do. because when we feel good, we have so much more to give.

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The Power of Bondage

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of kink. The play with polarities, leading and surrendering can be an amazing path of personal growth. Ropes are a tool that we can use to emphasize the leading or surrendering pole. Being tied, there’s literally nowhere to go as your ability to move is restricted. Ropes are so much more than ropes: it’s a complete experience.

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B-SMART: A Tool for Navigating Edgy Spaces

B-SMART

  Navigating edgy spaces can be, well, edgy. Most of us grew learning very little about clear communication. Especially around intimacy. It seems to me often we’re almost secretly trying to approach someone. Because we’re afraid of rejection? Because we have no idea how to ask for what we want? There are many components to why communication around intimacy is not that easy. For people coming to my intimate spaces I’ve created an abbreviation: B-SMART. It covers all the basic information I found out I want to know before moving into any intimate interaction with another person. ⇝ We actually practice these conversations in my play parties, and though people fear their awkwardness, they often turn out to be the most…

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“Meditate every Day for Ten Minutes. Unless You have No Time…”

Riding with Benthe

  ‘Meditate ten minutes every day. Unless you’re busy. Then meditate an hour.’ It’s so easy to cut down on self-care, slowing down, you-time. Don’t. You’re the most important resource that you have. And even if you don’t have time: Stop. Take a deep breathe. Look at a tree, a plant in your office, or this photo. Put a hand on your hard. Take another deep breathe. Notice gravity. Feel your hand. Welcome back. Photo was taken last week horseriding in the Dutch jungle. Unfiltered in all possible ways.

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About Attracting Unavailable Partners

Availability

Attracting unavailable partners… It’s a pattern! I have written about it before: I’m so tired of attracting unavailable people. And also, what is emotional availability anyway? But: if there’s a pattern, there’s something to learn. What’s in this for me?

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How Does Attraction Work?

Attraction

We all know the commercial form of attraction where we stand frozen, blown away by the magnificence of the other. Or love at first sight. But are that all the flavors of attraction? And what does that attraction that comes with so much firework actually mean?

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