The Power of Bondage

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of kink. The play with polarities, leading and surrendering can be an amazing path of personal growth. Ropes are a tool that we can use to emphasize the leading or surrendering pole. Being tied, there’s literally nowhere to go as your ability to move is restricted. Ropes are so much more than ropes: it’s a complete experience.

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The Fine Line between Things to Face & Boundaries

One of the most common pitfalls in the field of personal growth that I see is the belief that we have to face everything that triggers a response in us. After doing my research, I concluded this is absolute nonsense. Not everything we face is a challenge to overcome. Some things are a boundary, and we can say a loud and clear ‘no’ to the experience. Sometimes it can be a fine line whether something is a challenge or fear worth facing, or when it’s a boundary. I’m using my rollercoaster-analogy to explain how I feel the difference between what I do and don’t want to face.

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B-SMART: A Tool for Navigating Edgy Spaces

B-SMART

  Navigating edgy spaces can be, well, edgy. Most of us grew learning very little about clear communication. Especially around intimacy. It seems to me often we’re almost secretly trying to approach someone. Because we’re afraid of rejection? Because we have no idea how to ask for what we want? There are many components to why communication around intimacy is not that easy. For people coming to my intimate spaces I’ve created an abbreviation: B-SMART. It covers all the basic information I found out I want to know before moving into any intimate interaction with another person. ⇝ We actually practice these conversations in my play parties, and though people fear their awkwardness, they often turn out to be the most…

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I’m a Yummy Woman

I love my body. I love my shapeshifting s’xuality and sensuality. I’m honoring my hunger, my animals, and my stillness. I feel free in my body that may not look average, but is mine. She’s sensitive and playful, wise and strong. I may not appreciate her always, and yes we traveled from far. The scars you see on my skin are only a few of the scars I carry. But my eyes tell you the story of a woman who didn’t hold on to her scars. They show you the bright twinkle of pleasure and the sheer delight of being alive. My breasts and heart tell you about the big capacity I have for loving. Wild, unconditional and fully. There’s…

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‘Mum, there’s hair under your arm!’

My youngest daughter, aged 7, hugged me yesterday and yelled in an amused, surprised way: “Mom, there’s hair under your arm!” And I told her about female bodies, how they grow, develop, change. That it’s absolutely normal that hair grows at certain places. That we can choose to remove it, and choose to let it be. That right now, I love it to be there. And I tell my girls that it’s normal that their bodies get curves. That the straight line from their shoulders to their hips will look more like a violin than a plank. That their booties grow fuller. And that it’s all absolutely normal and beautiful. I tell them many times every day how beautiful I…

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Body Hair and Curves: What a Real Woman Looks Like

Body hair

There are so many social conditioning around sexuality, our bodies, our looks, how we present ourselves both to others as well as to ourselves. While shedding layers of all this, it’s so interesting how we can re-discover ourselves every day again. Take the body hair thing. When you think about it: how weird is it that hair on a man’s body is often considered sexy (look at the whole beard hype happening at the moment), while the hair on a woman’s body is often considered groce. I mean, WTF? And then the whole body size thing. Women should have flat bellies and perky boobies and all that. Because that’s what a woman is supposed to look like. Well, I don’t…

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Being a Sexual Person #2

Standing in the middle of an over-crowded train on my way home, another workshop facilitated in Amsterdam behind me. The people in the train discuss fried snacks with huge pupils. So much passion about burgers. Some are wearing sunglasses, even though it’s near midnight. A huge dance event in the city is probably the source of this outflux of people. I’m looking at my own reflection in the dark window. For so many years I thought I was weird and ugly. Sometimes I still do. That underlying belief of being weird. Different. Unwanted. The clumsy one who never wears the right clothes. Will it ever leave? I see a beautiful face, a proud woman wearing an amazing coat. Glitter on…

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I’m an Intimacy Coach (and Society calls me a Sex Worker)

I'm an intimacy coach

Society calls me a s*x worker. And that’s okay, although what I bring is not just that. I don’t f€ck my clients. I don’t even kiss them. But I’m very intimate with them. For some of them it’s the first time in years. Sometimes the first time ever. They teach me… They teach me about the innocence of desire. The longing to connect sincerely. They also teach me how they suppress their fire, their desire to ravish. How insecure they often feel about their body and their genital area. I teach them… That it’s all okay. That their insecurity as well as their list is part of their humanness. That I love to feel their lust and desire within the…

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Learning About Intimacy, Impressions of a Coach #1

* These writings are based on impressions from different sessions and different people. Facts about people are changed for the sake of privacy. I share these writings to create awareness of loneliness and how many of us struggle with intimacy. You are not alone. * You came to me because you had been hurt for many years. Your heart was closed and you couldn’t feel. How would you be able to relate to women again? To be vulnerable and be naked, to have sex again? As a boy you walked through the door, not knowing what to expect. We talked. I shared about my life and how I had been hurt in the past too. You relaxed, knowing you are…

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