Kink has been a special teacher in my life. It has been one of the main keys to helping me process trauma, become more self-secure, and like myself much better.
How? Some answers.
1. Consciously stepping into the role of following the other (submission) is totally different from being put in a powerless position. By consciously choosing this role, I teach myself I can also always step out of that role. Feeling the difference in my body between an empowered choice for following, and being put in that role, made it easier for me to distinguish manipulation, gaslighting, and other forms of coercion from an enjoyable place of letting someone else take the lead. In my life, this has led me to be clear in my boundaries, step out of toxic relationships – and also to relax in situations where another took the lead to help me.
2. Learning to lead and make decisions (Domination) gave me the imprint that there are people who love me in that powerful role. It gave me the somatic experience that leading and being visible, to decide out loud, isn’t dangerous, but fun. That leading also creates safety and relaxation. It led in my life to trusting myself and my wishes – and taking action. It helped me run a successful business, and be a better parent, partner, and friend.
3. By recreating experiences that harmed me in a carefully crafted and consensual way, I could rewrite the script in my brain. It’s basically a somatic, hands-on version of rescripting therapy, a widely acknowledged and successful form of psychotherapy.
4. Opening the doors to parts of me that I tried to hide (my anger, my sadistic nudge, my fierce one, my ‘tell me what to do and I’ll do it without hesitation’, my seggsual sides) helped me become a fuller version of myself. This also helped me embrace my humor, my neurospicy brain, and how I work totally different from what the business coaches tell me to do.
Because I think kink is such a wonderful teacher, I am crafting a weekend workshop around it. For everyone with some basic experience in kink, this is a deepening workshop where we will research how kink can help you grow as a person and be an even fuller version of yourself. Note: this is not therapy, nor training for professionals to offer kink to clients. This is for you (and your partner/s) to go on a deeper journey inside. As always offered to you in a way that prioritizes inclusivity, consent, and weaves a lot of neuroscience and humour into the game.
Photo: William Fortunato via Pexels