I used to be so bad at self-care. Or at creating structure.

I’m a person with a lot of energy. That means I can create a lot (while being a mum and whatnot) – it also means that I can procrastinate and be in my own way like a boss.

Being in my own way is arguably the most destructive thing in my world. I will escape into behavior that I think is supporting me (like mindless browsing on social media, eating sugary things) but drains me more than anything else.

To channel the intensity of feelings and energy that I have into creation, I need some structure. They may come in the form of deadlines or appointments or the need to make sure money flows in before the end of the month.

But when there’s not this pressure, there’s an actual effort I need to make to parent myself in a way that I’m constructive in my actions.

Are we so destructive as human beings? Is it a way of dealing with my own overwhelm in this world? Am I dealing with habits of addiction or recurring programmings?

I’m not entirely sure of it.

What I do know is that I’m getting better at this thing. Every week I spend at least half a day in the forest. I make sure I’m meeting friends and lovers. I’m back at intermittent fasting and healthy eating in a way that feels loving and kind. I’m working a LOT, but not at the crazy mindset I had when I was worrying more about money than I do now (even though my expenses increased a lot since getting the house I live in, I have full trust I can create enough money inflow to provide for all that I need + find important). I found someone to clean my house every week.

And there’s more to learn. Keep balancing healthy distraction and supportive ingestion of Netflix/series/movies/stories vs. overdoing it and hiding in it.

Go dancing more often and finally get massaged (overdue by a year now).

Relax and don’t answer messages all day, but structure time for it + structure time to work on things that don’t have an external deadline.

And as always: finding deeper layers of loving myself for all that I am.

P.s. this is me in my comfy pants, finding the perfect spot for recording a live video.