(Poem#15) I am responsible

It’s so easy,

Fucking myself up,

Unease raging through me,

Telling myself there’s trouble

Everywhere.

 

It’s so easy,

Feeling left out,

Left behind,

Life a conspiracy

Against me.

 

It’s so easy,

Shutting myself out,

Building up my walls,

Lifting up the bridge –

Alone.

 

It’s my choice,

Always.

 

Love or fear;

Open or close;

Invite in or shut out;

Live or survive.

 

I am responsible,

I am courageaous,

I am here,

I am alive.

 

More than ever.

~

I am alone at home with my three young daughters while my partner is traveling and visiting beautiful people for a week. It’s so easy to get stuck in fear and panic. Would he forget me? Would be intimate with others? Would he…?

The underlying desire for me is to feel safe and seen. It’s not his responsibility nor his task to protect me from my emotions and to soothe my fears. It’s up to me to see myself, to not lean on him, but rather to root myself and share myself from that point with him and others. There’s no other way to be free. 

 

 

I am responsible

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