I’m a Yummy Woman

I love my body. I love my shapeshifting s’xuality and sensuality. I’m honoring my hunger, my animals, and my stillness. I feel free in my body that may not look average, but is mine. She’s sensitive and playful, wise and strong. I may not appreciate her always, and yes we traveled from far. The scars you see on my skin are only a few of the scars I carry. But my eyes tell you the story of a woman who didn’t hold on to her scars. They show you the bright twinkle of pleasure and the sheer delight of being alive. My breasts and heart tell you about the big capacity I have for loving. Wild, unconditional and fully. There’s…

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Today I choose to not be small

My love, Today I choose not to be small. I choose to unfold all the little parts of me that desire to stretch and come alive. My choosing does not mean you have to step aside, or make yourself small instead. No, my love. I’m asking you to stand beside me, with your arms open and your eyes clear. You see, me choosing not to be small has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong, too much, too little, or holding me back. Though you did so in the past. I guess I scared you. With this big heart, high amplitude emotions and a way of feeling deep. But you know, the world doesn’t need me to…

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(Video) The Patterns in Insecure Relating

Patterns in relating

The players may change, but the play stays the same. Have you ever noticed that? Even though you may be working on yourself, some patterns in your relationship game seen to stay. I’m mainly anxiously attached, with a wired-in fear of abandonment. During a week long retreat I was in, I got my patterns played out loud and clear. In my face.

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(Video) Coming Back to safety

Coming back to safety

A few days ago I made a video in which I shared how my nervous system was shaken up by meeting someone.The sense of safety and welcoming blew me straight into an anxious response. Now, a few days later, I feel completely calm and relaxed again. Let me share you about this process too. P.s. this is the link to the previous video

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Self-Care and Structure

Self-care and structure

I used to be so bad at self-care. Or at creating structure. I’m a person with a lot of energy. That means I can create a lot (while being a mum and whatnot) – it also means that I can procrastinate and be in my own way like a boss. Being in my own way is arguably the most destructive thing in my world. I will escape into behavior that I think is supporting me (like mindless browsing on social media, eating sugary things) but drains me more than anything else. To channel the intensity of feelings and energy that I have into creation, I need some structure. They may come in the form of deadlines or appointments or the…

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(Video) The Response of my Fearful Nervous System to Safety

Fearful nervous system

The desire for feeling safe with other people is a very legitimate desire, and an antidote to the sometimes obsessive quest for facing fears, and challenging ourselves way beyond our comfort zone. But what happens when a nervous system that is wired in a sensitive way, and used to creating unsafe situations, is faced with safety? A very personal case study.

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(Video) The Fine Line Between States

When are we avoiding, and when are we learning to show boundaries? When are we controlling, and where are we being clear with our desires? When are we facing our fears, and when are we pushing ourselves too much? When are we learning, and when are we surviving? It’s such a fine line between both, and frankly: often both options are true (and false) in the same moment. So how do we know where we are?  

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“Do You Still Feel Insecure and Bad about Yourself?”

“When is the last time you were insecure or thought bad about yourself?” People ask me this question often. And it seems they expect an answer defining a moment way back in the past. But it’s very much in the present. Every day there are moments in which I think I’m a fraud. I know nothing. There’s nothing of value I have to bring to the world. That I’m impossible to love and not sexy at all. And I don’t think it will ever fully go. And it’s okay. I think we only get better at dealing with these voices. Instead of suppressing them, we get to know them and what it is they’re trying to protect us from. There…

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(Poem #20) The Books You Devoured

Leaving it all behind worries, sorrows, and doubts Letting your soul fly beyond the vast skies Allowing the unfolding of mysteries and stories That you never read in the books you devoured The movies you saw Or what they told you life would be like Holding the pencil and the eraser You are the biggest artist of them all.

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Bufo – Dying to Grow

“I know you have worked with medicine before, but have you ever done Bufo, the toad?” This question came by often, with the addition that even when you have worked with Ayahuasca and Kambo, Bufo is something else. The stories sounded so intense, that I never even really considered this one. Why would someone want to feel like they’re dying – for real? But then there was this message from someone I never met before: “Hey, we love what you bring to this world, and the medicines tell us to invite you. Would you come to our Bufo alvarius ceremony next week?” And of course, it was that one free day between the madness of Christmas and Newyear, in a…

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