Open relationships: How much do you tell?

No matter if you keep your open relationship clothes-on or clothes-off, it’s very important to discuss how much you want you and your partner to tell each other.

Discuss before practicing!

It is very important to have the conversation about how much details you want to share with each other before you start connecting with new people. When you involve yourself into stuff without knowing that your partner really likes to know about new steps you are about to make on beforehand, you have no second chances. If you only tell your partner afterwards, or worse, when your partner finds out afterwards, your partner might never trust you again. Is that worth it?

All dirty details

What if your partner wants to know all dirty details of the things you did?

You’ve got to tell’em.

You have to respect the choices your partner makes. If they don’t want to know what you did at all? Don’t tell. Even if you would like to. But if they want to know everything? You’ve got to tell everything. Even if you kissed your best friend, gave your therapist a blowjob or slept with a total stranger… Tell’em all about the how, what and where.

Equal sharing?

Maybe your partner wants you to tell everything you did, but you don’t want to hear about all the stuff your partner has been involved in. What to do?

Respect your partner’s wish.

Tell as much as the other is willing to hear. Watch out here, don’t assume you know how much your partner is willing to hear. Don’t make projections, rather ask -before you have any interactions with others- how much your partner is willing to hear.

Don’t force the other to share equal amounts of information. Different people have different growth rates and different feelings of curiosity. Be aware that your partner might feel like a part of you, but is a different person with different wishes.

Ask your partner how much they want to hear on beforehand. Keep asking during your exploration phase and keep evaluation the level of satisfaction considering the amount of information all along the way.

If you can’t tell…

Are you reading this and thinking “I could never tell my partner what I did with others”? Than probably you are not ready for taking those steps.

Only go further on this path of exploration when you are willing to share your experiences with your partner.

Having an open relationship is all about trust and sharing. If you cannot trust your partner for being 100% able to be open with you, you will create distance between the both of you. In the long run, it will make your relationship weaker and even might ruin it.

So if you have the guts to have an open relationship, you need to have the guts to share your experiences with your partner.

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