Do you feel you are taken seriously?
I have always had the feeling I needed to prove myself.
As a teenager coming from a small village and going to high school in a posh area of the bigger city.
As a forestry student (‘Hey, treehugger!’)
And nowadays no less.
In scientific meetings, they don’t often see me as scientific enough, despite having an M.Sc. degree and a vast scientific knowledge of the things I teach.
Groups of men still often change their tone and words in a conversation when I join, presenting as a woman.
The real estate agent and financial expert didn’t believe I could buy a house on my own until I tossed my numbers at them (and actually told the financial expert which type of mortgage to pick for me).
As a bisexual switch, there are plenty of people who think I haven’t ‘made up my mind’ about my sexuality or power dynamic position preference.
In tantric events, I am often seen as the queer rebel who does kinky things and not serious tantra (and speaking up about using me as a queer token got me tossed out of several big tantra festivals and collabs).
In professional meetings with intimacy experts, especially men older than me kind of ignore me (until I start speaking to them directly).
Meetings typically follow the same flow: certain people ignore me, avoid me, or are apprehensive (it’s usually mainly women my age approaching me). Until I take a deep breath and start talking to them. Then often this magic switch switches, where somehow I have proven myself and they see me as an interesting person to talk with, work with, hire, or become friends with.
Moving through the world with the feeling of having to prove myself has become a habit. It helps in a lot of situations (I have learned to make a good first impression in many environments and circumstances, but also to be patient and let go of the desire to be seen), but it also makes me a bit sad. People tend to project and not give others a fair chance.
But then I also see the mirror here: who do I not give a fair chance? Is it because they are younger and I don’t take them seriously? Is it because they are older and I don’t take them seriously? Is it because of their cis/straight life experience and the stigma coming with that? It’s not a big step towards discriminatiön and rãcism from there, is it?
Maybe it’s a lesson for all of us: to be humble and give each other a chance. To listen before we rule the other out.
To be curious and kind.
