(Note that I’m no expert – I’m simply trying to make sense of myself)
I have known for a long time that I am not neurotypical. If you are not neurotypical, we have three main boxes: ADHD, ASS, and HG. It’s not a black-and-white test to fit into one or more of these boxes: if you have enough of the characteristics of a box after tests, then a psychiatrist can assign you to it.
In my mind, I don’t see four boxes (neurotypical, ADHD, ASS, and HG/ Highly Giftedness), but a huge field in 3D. The axes may have those four categories, but they are not entirely separate places. I think we all fall somewhere on that spectrum with certain people fitting into ‘100% ADHD’ and others maybe more ‘30% ADHD, 30% ASS, 40% neurotypical’.
I have been stamped HG, not ADHD (but symptoms, and also one of my kids has been officially diagnosed), and not ASS (but I recognize things).
I am noticing how many of my friends are getting so-called ‘late diagnosis’ and I see how it helps many of them tremendously. Some get medication and flourish with that, others don’t and flourish with that, many adapt their life, and most of all: I see how their self-compassion and understanding increase hugely.
It inspires me to look closer at my own wiring. I know there won’t be a diagnosis that will explain me to myself and the world around me. That can make me feel like a fraud: if I do not have a label, can I still explain myself as neurodiverse and ask for understanding, and maybe even express needs in communication, but also things like location, workflow, stimuli, etc? That imposter syndrome is alive and kicking.
Diving deeper into this research of ‘how am I wired?’ also brings new questions: is a trauma brain also a neuro-diverse brain (I have read interesting things about PTSD being considered a disability, from that point of view, a brain wired through trauma also diverts from a neurotypical brain)? What are things I can (and tried to) change about myself, and what are things to learn to live with? Do I want to go for (another/broader) diagnosis with the fair risk of not fitting neatly into a box and still not knowing more (and would it make a difference)? Which parts of how I work *are* that neurodiversity and which parts are ‘learn to get better’ (one of my traits is that I easily blame myself for ‘doing it all wrong’).
I’m curious, dear readers, what is your relationship with your neuro-situation, whether it is considered ‘typical’ or not?
Photo credits: The Intimate Revolution
