To live an abundant, loving life, means choosing a life without fear. It must be something we all wish to do. But how can you choose never to fear again? Is that even possible?

Fearing fear

It’s not fear itself that frightens us most. It’s fearing fear. The vision of going to a dentist is often much worse than the pain we experience once we are in that chair. The vision of facing a group of people is often much worse than the feeling we get when that crowd applauds for us after our speech.

We often base our fears on projections. We think other people will think badly of us. The idea new people won’t like us frightens us. We don’t realize that most of the people in that group think likewise. We expect the dentist to hurt us, not realizing this gentle man tries to comfort us as much as he can. Why do we expect him to be a cruel butcher?

Why do we try to expect the worst? Why do we try to hurt ourselves?

Fearing what might be is so much worse than what reality brings us.

Fearless living is not about rejecting fear. Fear is a process. Our emotions have a message. We are used to feed that fear, making it bigger and bigger. We create monsters, without realizing that fear is only a message. An opportunity for growth.

Try to take a step back and have a good look at that monster you created. What if it appears to be nothing more than a teddy bear?

Hug your inner child

We have all created fears. Whether we had great parents or less amazing ones, most of us created negative beliefs when we were young, mainly in the age of 3-11 years. Through circumstances we may got to think we weren’t good enough. We weren’t allowed to make mistakes. We didn’t get the freedom we wanted. We felt rejected or not accepted. Not unconditionally loved. Not safe.

That child created fears. When I don’t behave in the exact right way, I won’t be loved any longer. I will feel unsafe and afraid. Even if it means to hide my true feelings and wishes, I have to fit into the image others have of me to feel safe and loved. And thus we created fear.

We have created fear for being our true self.

Try to find out at which exact moments you are afraid. Go within and find your inner child. Maybe s/he needs to be held tightly. Tell that child s/he’s unconditionally loved, whatever happens. Listen to the words the child has to share with you. Maybe you can tell this child how you grew up to the amazing you that you have become. Tell the child you can let go of the fear. It’s all okay.

It’s all in you

Maybe you depend on others to feel safe and loved. Be aware that all you need is within you. Feelings of love, appreciation, safety… You can only truly feel totally and completely fearless when you realize it is all in you. You don’t need anyone to feel whole. Only when you truly love yourself, you can be free. Depending on others means depending on their wellbeing to feel well. When you realize all you need is within you, there is nothing to fear. Because there is nothing to lose.

When there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to fear.

It’s all in you. Everything else is a bonus. A very welcome bonus that is. But not something you have to depend on. When you love yourself, nothing can harm you. No one can hurt you.

Accepting fear

To me, fearless living means embracing your fears. It does not mean rejecting fear or fighting any future fear. It means welcoming new steps of growth and embracing the fear that comes with those steps. It even means inviting the fear. Asking your inner child what it wants to tell you. What it needs and what I can give it, making myself even more complete and whole than ever before.

By doing what we fear, we break the self-fulfilling cycle of “I can’t do this”. Beliefs are often formed when we are young, but we can break that cycle any moment. Get outside your comfort zone. Get back into the ring and fight to be free. Confidence comes from surviving risks. Discomfort is not a stop sign. Pain is temporary, benefits are forever.

If I can do this, what else can I do?

What else has life to bring?

After each and every conquered fear there is an ocean of love and happiness. Be brave, take the challenges life offers you.

Dare to live.

Dare to be free.

Dare to be happy.

Dare to be you.

Behind your fears there is an amazing person you could only dream of. A wonderful, amazing, lovely person.

Only getting a glimpse of that person you can be is worth facing all the fears you can ever face. What if you can let go of all your fears and constantly live that fearless, amazing life you have only dreamt of?

I believe I can do it.

I believe you can do it.

Join me and let’s do this together. What are you afraid of? Let’s share our fears and realize we can get past them.

It’s so much better on the other side!