It’s easy to think, once on the path of self-realization, the workshops, the books, the therapy, to believe that everything that ripples our waters ‘needs fixing’.
And yes, there is a lot with fixing that makes not only our lives happier and easier, but also that of the others close to us. Trauma, old wounds, PTSS, codependency, insecure attachment wounds… I have noticed that working on these matters improved my life and relations significantly.
The caveat, though, I think, is believing we are broken and/or that everything we feel that creates a sense of discomfort needs ‘fixing’.
When my nervous system gets dysregulated, I find it worth analyzing my situation: is this a disproportional reaction ( = worth fixing something), or is it a healthy response to a situation crossing a boundary or too far out of my comfort zone? In the last case, the past may still play a role in the response, but as it is a response to the situation at hand – why should we fix ourselves (or even think this is a flaw)?
We can do two things:
1. Get out of the situation (and like the response inside us will decrease).
2. Consciously choose to stay in the situation, and take care of ourselves as well as possible, because it is worth being in the situation for a greater good.
A third option would be to stay and not tend to our needs, likely harming ourselves in the process.
Our internal flagging system, our boundaries, but also our lovely sensitivity are not wrong. ‘Fixing’ everything may result in numbing, and desensitizing our intuition and gut feeling.
It’s okay to have feelings, also the uncomfortable ones. It is good to ‘fix’ what makes our lives more difficult than needed and to deal with the load we may carry. But we are not broken when we have feelings. We do not need to therapy all our discomfort away.
So no, I don’t think we need to ‘fix’ everything.
