Life is such a vast experience, that it’s hard to grasp. On the one hand we try to keep ourselves small. We tell each other about all the impossibilities in our days, how we can’t manage or aren’t allowed to. Making our lives small is a coping mechanism for those who can’t see the vastness and the abundance.

Another coping mechanism is control. Whether it is about our own decisions or those of others, control gives us a sense of direction, of having influence on our world.

But it’s false security. Nothing can ever be controlled. There is no way we can predict the course of a day, let alone of all days of all those people around us.

Now tell us, do you really believe life will be easier when you control it all? The only thing you would do is limit the vastness. It’s like believing life is a fenced garden with seeds only you sow, while you pretend there are no forests outside the garden. No wind, rain, sun or birds that can influence your kept flowers.

Control doesn’t exist.


Only because we tell ourselves we live in a world where resources are limited, we believe we have to fight for our desires, needs, wishes. To fight for survival!

But the truth lies in the vastness. There is abundance beyond imagination in this world.

When our beloveds are out of reach, our minds may frustrate the lack of control about their actions and – perhaps – interactions.

The truth is: their lives aren’t about you. They have their path to walk, their lessons to learn, their truth to follow.

It doesn’t mean they don’t love you, don’t care about you. These thoughts come from the mind wanting to control the situation. The abundant truth is that there is enough love for everybody: for them, following their path of life, as well as for your place in it.

Your egocentric mind might want to protect you, in the way it has been trained for millennia: by focusing on the problem. Now it is time to focus on abundance.

In you is all the love you need. From this place you can meet the other without a need for control, because their actions cannot take anything away from you. There is only abundance: more of what is already there.

To meet each other in abundance is the only way to bliss. When you control, you take something away from the other person and crucify your own happiness.

What to do when you become aware of a desire for control inside you?

Don’t worry about it. Look at it with soft eyes. Judging will only add another layer of a desire for control.

Look within. What is it you long for? What is your desire?

There is nothing wrong with you or your desires. Take them seriously. Before turning to the person that is the focus of your desire for control, see what is being triggered in you. It has nothing to do with them.

Don’t blame anyone, yourself nor the other. Meditate, write, go for a walk or do yoga. Find a way that helps you to look at the situation from a distance. Feel what it is you need and find a way to give this to yourself.

The desire for control is never about the other, it always points out clearly a void in you that you can become aware of now.

Take this opportunity and liberate yourself.