I’m thinking about relating a lot lately. How I grew up with the idea that success was being with one person for a long time, preferably doing things in the ‘right’ order, and showing up together in ways that are expected.
Some relations beyond that one relationship-with-kids that should have been with my forever-person, my thoughts keep changing.
Even with the relationships after this one, there was this idea of success: the longer the better, working towards ‘something’. Whatever that would be often included a concept of living somewhere together.
But as time went on, and relationships passed and evolved, I noticed how my ideas were also ongoingly changing.
What if I let go of the idea that success is measured in time?
What if I let go that success is measured by time spent together?
What if success isn’t measured by trying to make one person responsible for meeting as many of your needs as possible?
What if the lines between friends, lovers, and partners continuously blur?
I don’t have the answers, but by giving myself the space to consider the questions and (with the consent of those involved) try out relating in different ways, I’m noticing an increase in freedom.
I guess it’s letting go of the ideas beyond monogamy, non-monogamy, or polyamory as they also start becoming constructs that may create freedom, but also have their own limitations. Not relationship anarchy, as that feels like forced ‘all should be possible’ and I have a tender nervous system that needs care too.
One thing I do know: I’m not letting my relationships get in the way of big dreams that I have. I’m willing to make compromises, but not to compromise myself from a fear of being alone.
Many of you here have been around for a long time, maybe over a decade. I know many have been transitioning through different relationships, and relationship styles. What are your thoughts on relating nowadays? What has changed, what is the same?
