Agreements on how we behave during events

Would you like extra explanations because your brain loves explicit clarity? Here you go!

During the opening circle you will be led through our three basic agreements:

1. All your emotions are welcome here. Please don’t hurt yourself, others, or break the building.

2. Please take care of your boundaries. You don’t have to do anything.

3. Confidentiality. Please do not disclose anyone’s presence, unless you have explicit consent. Don’t use your phone in the workshop space. Don’t make recordings of any kind.

Here’s a bit more on certain things:

No means no

When you ask someone, e.g. for an exercise, to cuddle, or to play, and they say no – you let them be. You will not challenge their no, or ask them again, and you will definitely not ignore their no. When you cross someone’s boundary (e.g. by ignoring their ‘no’, or continuously pushing them – even when you mean well) we will remove you from the workshop and we may have to prohibit you from coming to (certain types of) workshops.

No is a full sentence

When someone says no, you may wish to ask them why they say no. But no is a full sentence, and nobody owns you an explanation. You may ask ‘Would you maybe explain why you say no?’ once, but if someone says ‘no’, you let them be. If they give you an answer that isn’t clear enough for you – you also let them be. This is a workshop, not a place for a full conversation when the other party isn’t up for it.

We are not therapists

Although we all have certain experiences with holding space for you, and maybe we are therapists in our day job, this is not what we are during workshops. You are welcome to reach out for support and share about your traumas, past, or childhood with us – and we will listen. maybe we have a suggestion upon your request. But we cannot and will not offer you therapy during a workshop. When you struggle with intimacy, workshops may not be the best space for you (yet). Individual therapy, e.g. Sexological Bodywork (check our Recommended page) may support you in your process.

You don’t have to save anyone

Please let other participants have their own experience. It’s not up to you to take care of them – that’s what Wilrieke and the assistants are for. You can focus on your own process. You don’t have to take folks deeper into process. Some of us may gain security or assurance from ‘saving others’. No need to do so here.

Our assistants are available for everyone

This means that we encourage you to reach out to our assistants when you need support, but you also understand that this is a group workshop, and not a place where they can stay with you one-on-one for a long period of time.

You may not find someone to partner up with

It may happen that you find it hard to find people to partner up with. Although we are willing to support you, we are not responsible for you not finding (the type of) people to partner up with. When you know partnering up is hard for you, you may consider coming together with a buddy, play partner, or friend to partner up with (do you know the Dutch ‘Snoezelzorg?’).

You may not find people to play with during play parties

It may happen that despite your deep longing to find partners to experience intimacy with, you may not find anyone, or people might say ‘no’ to you. Although we are willing to support you, we do not take any responsibility for you finding partners.

We assume a certain degree of self-reliance

From white to pink, to red workshops, we assume more and more self-reliance from you. White workshops (clothes on, like Cuddle Workshops) are slower, with smaller steps regarding intimacy and sexiness. With pink and red this goes faster. That may mean more exciting opportunities, but it also asks from you that you are able to navigate that space, e.g. by feeling comfortable enough to find partners or to be comfortable with sitting out when you don’t find a partner. 

Things will be different for each workshop

Maybe you are the type of person who needs identical structures each time to feel comfortable and safe. Although most of our workshops have a similar setup, exercises will change every time. That makes the fun and excitement of the event, but also creates unpredictability to a certain degree.

Assistants have boundaries

Wilrieke and their team stick to a code of ethics. In the case assistants step in for an exercise, they may have certain boundaries because of our agreements. Here is where you can read more about the team agreements we have.