When there is something between you and your partner, or someone you love, and it’s possible, coregulate first.
The talk can feel urgent, words may burn to leave your mouth. But when it comes from a place of an active trigger, whatever you say may disregulate the situation further.
If you manage to park whatever is bothering you, and start with a cuddle, some breaths together, eye gazing, or whatever works for you, you may find a place of common ground. It helps me to realize that deep down I don’t want conflict with this person. That, more than lash out or run away (or whatever my strategy may be), I want to come back to a place of love and mutual understanding.
Yes, this takes skill. To want connection more than wanting to be right. To want to work on own triggers and shit. To want to see the other beyond the projection.
It may not always work. You may not always be able. But when it works, you get to skip so much shīt neither of you needs.
This human path is messy. It’s full of curves and wobbly rocks and rivers with no bridges. But the view is incredible.