Sometimes a feeling can really attack you. There is a trigger, and even before you know what happens, your body reacts with strong fysical sensations and your mind comes along, attaching a story to the event.
For a long time this happened to me constantly. I created tons of stories by always taking things personally (‘They cannot come, probably they go elsewhere so that means they don’t like me. I’m so unlikable‘). Sometimes I felt the whole universe was one, large conspiracy against me. Life = suffering.
It happens more and more often that I can be like a strongly grounded being looking at my emotions from a distance. It’s like being in the middle of a whirlwind, with all kinds of things floating around me in the wind. Some are small, some are gigantic. Some whirl and some rage. Some make me happy or euphoric. Some make me sad, insecure or angry.
But in the midst of it all, I am. Unchanged. Standing.
E-motion. Energy in motion. I like that phrase. Yes, emotions are energy moving through your body. Emotions are sign that something touches you. There’s a part that needs attention. A small child that wants to be heard and seen. A part of you that desires some light to be shined upon it.Yesterday was one of those day with so many triggers. Simple actions of people that a part of me wanted to dramatize. It’s so easy to get stuck in my own story of “Poor me! Look at what they did to me!” But it means suffering. By trying this approach so many times I learned that suffering actually isn’t very nice.
By understanding other people have their own path and their own experiences to go through (hey, they’re human just like me!) I start to integrate compassion. Knowing the term is one thing, really feeling it is the next level.
Still, at the end of the day I felt very tired, and something simple can be the trigger that takes me out of my center, into my emotions. Identifying myself with the story I create. It took a minute before I could feel myself expanding again. Breathing compassion for myself through my body and through my mind. ‘I love you, all is well’.
Although I know and feel that all I need (confirmation, love, stability) is within me, it can be very nice to consciously reach out to someone. To ask them to show me their love and support.
I am deeply grateful for being able to go to a pasture nearby where five beautiful horses live. Three of them are ‘mine’ (how can I call another being ‘mine’?). One of them is Jade. He grounds me. He shows me what embracing your inner power looks like. He shows me compassionate strength. He shows me sensitivity and wisdom. He comes to me, simply stands next to me and I feel it all. I see it all. I feel my feet on the earts, stabilizing. I feel my mind becoming soft and calm. I look into his eyes and I find comfort.
I choose expansion. I choose to be free. I choose not to suffer.