I’m the type who is always in a rush. So much to do, so much to accomplish! But also that ever-repeating story that there are goals to reach, and they need to be reached fast! Preferably (thank you Calvinistic upbringing!) with suffering along the way – and beware of being unproductive and lazy!
That mindset can be useful in certain situations. It helped me build my business, run the logistical side of a family, and renovate a house.
But when it comes to relationships, that mindset isn’t necessarily helpful.
Maybe when following the relationship escalator the way it used to be. Go steady, get engaged, marry, buy a house and have kids.
When that’s off the table (or done) – then what?
That feeling of ‘needing to get somewhere’, it may make us miss the moment.
I am leaning into another viewpoint nowadays. When there is no goal, no endpoint, nothing to achieve and most of all: no rush.
No ‘I need to fix myself so we can open the relationship and until that time I’m judging myself for not being ready’. No sense of waiting for that new house, more time, less trauma etc, because ‘then we get to the next step’.
Instead, having a mutual understanding of ‘hey, I really want to be with you’, and knowing that when the other needs something, whether it’s a change, space, change of pace, change of scenery or anything else, we will sit together and have a conversation.
The internal sense of pushing inside me is getting softer. I’ve noticed an increased appreciation and excitement, whereas otherwise worry and anxiety about ‘can I do this?’ take over.