Using sex to explore our shadow side

using sex to explore our shadow side

There are parts of our own personalities that we love, and parts that we have learned to hide. As a newborn, we don’t have a set of rules defining which behavior of our selves we like and don’t like. It’s our environment, mainly our parents, who teach us what to express and what to put away in a box and store away far from our surface. Especially in our sexuality we experience a lot of those hidden boxes, which makes sex an amazing pathway into exploring our shadow side. How is a shadow side created? Children have no filter like grownups do. When a person tells a child that something is shameful behavior (like screaming out loud or expressing rage…

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The Pick Up Artist and The Real Man

The Pick Up Artist and The Real Man

You know what I don’t like about the pick up artist community? The seemingly innate underlying assumption that women wouldn’t want to sleep with or be with you without tricks. If being yourself isn’t good enough, why would you want to connect anyway? Are you that much afraid of rejection that you need to ‘upgrade’ yourself into someone you’re not to feel likable? Men: you are enough. You are amazing. You can be incredibly sexy just by feeling good. Get comfortable in your body, whatever it looks like. You taking care of yourself and loving who you are is so much more important than the amount of hair on your head or chest, the size or your penis or your bank…

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My boyfriend kissed someone else

Do you need to have it all?

For the first time in months my boyfriend and I were at the same place, at the same time, on the same dance floor. Together with the other participants of the workshop we just finished an intense exercise. I had found myself screaming back and forth with a man, releasing a lot of energy that felt stuck in my throat. How liberating! When I ecstatically turned around, one meter away from me, my boyfriend was passionately kissing a beautiful woman. Statistics1 tell us that over 50% of the people in a relationship cheat at least once. That means the chance that your partner did cheat on you is larger than the chance s/he didn’t. An average affair lasts 2 years.…

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Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

The lead I am standing on a dance floor, blindfolded. The men walk through this darkened forest of sight-deprived women. We cannot see the men, but we hear their footsteps and the rustling of their clothes. “Now stop in front of a woman of your choosing. Let her know you are there. Take her hand and seduce her into a dance. Lead her beyond the edges of her comfort zone and let her fly.” There’s a man in front of me, I can feel his presence. A shy hand takes my right hand, followed seconds later by the other hand grabbing my left. The contact feels flaccid. When the music starts I feel insecure and far from grounded. Will this…

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Let your belly fuel your dreams

Let your belly fuel your dreams

There are many ways in which you can live your life. You can choose to focus on your mind and let your thinking direct your path. You can also choose to let your heart guide you on a path of love. On my personal menu there were only those two dishes, and I couldn’t choose both of them at the same time. I considered my past as mind-based lived, whereas from the time I let go of the expectations I believed others had of me, I lived my life heart centered. But I have come to realize that head and heart are both amazing. They are two favors that combine nicely, like peanut butter and jelly. But there is more:…

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How Open is Open?

Guest Post from Louisa Leontiades A door can be ajar. Just a tiny crack to let the light through. In polyamory you might call this a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy. Or it can be open enough to let a person in (but you know, it’s a door…so it can probably be closed if it isn’t the ‘right’ person or if there are too many people). Or indeed…it can be open all the way. When people ask me how open our relationship is, what they mean is – how far have I opened the door? Is it ajar? Do you discuss when and who to invite into your relationship? Or are you free to date whomever you want, whenever you want and for…

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The influence of polyamory on your sexuality

Polyamory and sex

It seems that polyamory often goes with the prejudice that the reason for being polyamorous is the freedom to be sexually active in a liberal way. You’re polyamorous? You must be into sex big time. The connection between polyamory and sex I’m living in a polyamorous way for a while now. Was the reason for me to open up the relationship I had primarily based on my sexual desires? I have to disappoint you here. It wasn’t. Didn’t it even play a small role? It did. My partner at the time and I were a bit disappointed that now we’ve found each other, we were expected to never kiss, cuddle or make love with another person for the rest of…

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The Orgasm Paradigm

The orgasm paradigm

What does your love-making ritual look like? Is it magic, fantastic, different each time? Or does is have a standard procedure, starting with undressing yourself, rolling on top (or under) your partner and striving towards an orgasm? Preferably your own, and hopefully also your partners’? Our society is very structured and goal oriented. Kids as young as toddlers are tested for their IQ so they can be directed towards the right educational system. You need to know what you want to do with your life from a young age. We make lists for shopping and eat very structured on the same time each day. Maybe even the same food on each Monday. When we exercise we know how much weight…

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Review: J.J. Roberts – Sex 3.0 A Sexual Revolution Manual

There’s a change going on in the world. People are more and more conscious about themselves, their lives and the choices they make. Our sexual relationships have evolved from the past to the present, and they will keep changing in the future. This is what J.J. Roberts writes about in his book Sex 3.0 – A Sexual Relationship Manual.. Sex 3.0 implies that there was a Sex 1.0 and a Sex 2.0 in the past. Sex 1.0 is how we related when we were living as hunter gatherers in ancient times. There was no concept of property, and according to J.J. there was no concept of a relationship in the way we know it. People didn’t form couples, but followed…

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Review: Louisa Leontiades – The Husband Swap

In ‘The Husband Swap’, Louisa Leontiades openly and honestly shares her story. She and her husband Gilles form a quad with another couple, Morten and Elena. Louisa and Gilles started out as a monogamous couple. “I was once like you” she tells us at the beginning of the book. But when she cheats on Gilles with an ex-boyfriend, it all changes. Louisa explains to Gilles that she loves him and wants to stay with him. She also realizes that Gilles would never be able to fulfill everything she wants from a partner. They discover that it’s possible to love more than one person, and decide to try to live polyamourously. Through internet they get into contact with a couple. Even…

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