How Open is Open?

Guest Post from Louisa Leontiades A door can be ajar. Just a tiny crack to let the light through. In polyamory you might call this a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy. Or it can be open enough to let a person in (but you know, it’s a door…so it can probably be closed if it isn’t the ‘right’ person or if there are too many people). Or indeed…it can be open all the way. When people ask me how open our relationship is, what they mean is – how far have I opened the door? Is it ajar? Do you discuss when and who to invite into your relationship? Or are you free to date whomever you want, whenever you want and for…

Continue reading

The influence of polyamory on your sexuality

Polyamory and sex

It seems that polyamory often goes with the prejudice that the reason for being polyamorous is the freedom to be sexually active in a liberal way. You’re polyamorous? You must be into sex big time. The connection between polyamory and sex I’m living in a polyamorous way for a while now. Was the reason for me to open up the relationship I had primarily based on my sexual desires? I have to disappoint you here. It wasn’t. Didn’t it even play a small role? It did. My partner at the time and I were a bit disappointed that now we’ve found each other, we were expected to never kiss, cuddle or make love with another person for the rest of…

Continue reading

Relationship Labeling Anarchy

Relationship Labeling Anarchy

There are many forms of relationships. Man and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, employer and employee, friends, acquaintances, friends-with-benefits and all those connections you couldn’t even find a name for (I tried for fun with someone and came up with chocolatepartybrowchakradancinghuggingpolyfriend). There are people who marry because they can identify themselves as ‘someone’s wife’ or ‘someone’s husband’. Apparently, the label provides security. The wedding ring acts as a clearly visible sign of the unavailability of this person for any other potential partners. What would happen if you let go of labels? Especially when having multiple relationships it can be so much easier to just let go of all the labeling-trouble and let the connection be what it is. Mind vs. consciousness…

Continue reading

Review: J.J. Roberts – Sex 3.0 A Sexual Revolution Manual

There’s a change going on in the world. People are more and more conscious about themselves, their lives and the choices they make. Our sexual relationships have evolved from the past to the present, and they will keep changing in the future. This is what J.J. Roberts writes about in his book Sex 3.0 – A Sexual Relationship Manual.. Sex 3.0 implies that there was a Sex 1.0 and a Sex 2.0 in the past. Sex 1.0 is how we related when we were living as hunter gatherers in ancient times. There was no concept of property, and according to J.J. there was no concept of a relationship in the way we know it. People didn’t form couples, but followed…

Continue reading

Review: Louisa Leontiades – The Husband Swap

In ‘The Husband Swap’, Louisa Leontiades openly and honestly shares her story. She and her husband Gilles form a quad with another couple, Morten and Elena. Louisa and Gilles started out as a monogamous couple. “I was once like you” she tells us at the beginning of the book. But when she cheats on Gilles with an ex-boyfriend, it all changes. Louisa explains to Gilles that she loves him and wants to stay with him. She also realizes that Gilles would never be able to fulfill everything she wants from a partner. They discover that it’s possible to love more than one person, and decide to try to live polyamourously. Through internet they get into contact with a couple. Even…

Continue reading

Review: Mystic Life – Spiritual Polyamory

Spiritual Polyamory by Mystic Life is a self-called “powerful, groundbreaking work, certain to challenge and stimulate members of both the “poly-curious” and polyamorous communities. Mystic Life takes you on a journey into honesty, awareness and self-exploration. You will be encouraged to explore your true beliefs about love, jealousy, sex and letting go of control.” Love of all The book starts with clearing up the differences between ‘ego’ and your true self. We are already whole. The ego is a “collection of beliefs arising from fear and the illusion of separation”. What Mystic Life means, is that we judge others’ behavior (which stems from ego) for it makes us feel better to place our own ego above another person. I believe…

Continue reading

Suffering is a choice

Reasons for procrastination and tools to stop doing it

What I love to do when my head is filled with emotions and thoughts is going for a long walk. Surrounded by nature, my body relaxes and my mind calms down. To me, rhythmically putting one foot in front of the other, breathing fresh air and listening to the birds is like a meditation in motion. Today I walked in the dunes for hours. For days my mind felt stuck with fear and emotions. I had been taking care of ill family members for over a week, visiting hospitals, trying to arrange everything, while facing some major fear issues that overwhelmed me in the process. No map, just a feeling of where I wanted to go, I strolled through the…

Continue reading

Judging others is about you

Judging others is about you

I catch myself judging time after time. Even when I’m very aware and even when I try not to do so, I still judge people. I notice that I only judge when I don’t feel well. I need to be negative about someone’s clothes or behavior, just to make myself feel good. But it never works. It actually makes me feel worse and also makes my mind act like a whirlwind, spending a lot of energy being wound up about others’ lives. Why do we judge? When you judge someone, you try to place them below yourself. You seek arguments why you are better than the other. Why would you try and do that? Because you are feeling insecure. You…

Continue reading

Abundant love

I am in an open relationship. I don’t limit myself by sharing my love with only one person. I prefer and choose to live with an open heart. And I’m open about it. In our society it’s not very accepted nor appreciated to have an open relationship. There’s a lot of judgment, intolerance and most of all – fear. We all want to be loved. We do crazy things to be loved. We buy expensive clothes, go to the gym and follow a strict diet to look attractive, accept jobs with status… we do it to show the world we are worth loving. We want abundance. Not only we want love, we also want a lot of it! And why…

Continue reading

Ambiguous answering. Or: why it’s so difficult to understand women

Lately I realized that there are at least three ways in which I answer or react to the same question. Very often I’m not aware that I’m so ambiguous. It´s like there are multiple versions of me that answer in their own way. It happens often when my partner and I discuss stuff that includes emotions, like new steps into our open relationship. He might ask me if it´s okay with me for him to go out with a girl. I tell him I´m perfectly fine, I don´t like it and that it´s up to him to decide what he wants to do, all in a couple of minutes within the same conversation. Next thing is that he tries to…

Continue reading