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Changing the Pace of Relationships

by Wilrieke | Sep 27, 2023 | Attachment Dynamics, Non Monogamy, Polyamory & Open Relating, Relationships

I’m the type who is always in a rush. So much to do, so much to accomplish! But also that ever-repeating story that there are goals to reach, and they need to be reached fast! Preferably (thank you Calvinistic upbringing!) with suffering along the way –...

My Anxious/Avoidant Dynamics – Pt1

by Wilrieke | Jul 22, 2023 | Attachment Dynamics, Emotions & Insecurity, Non Monogamy, Polyamory & Open Relating, Relationships

Relationships are such an interesting place for research. With the Wizard, I am diving deep into the details of how an anxious/avoidant dynamic plays out for us. Simplified: where the anxious-leaning partner needs proximity, the avoidant-leaning partner needs space....

Letting go of trying to be nice

by Wilrieke | Jul 14, 2023 | Attachment Dynamics, Courage & Fear, Dealing with Trauma, Emotions & Insecurity, Nervous System and Trauma, Non Monogamy, Polyamory & Open Relating

What the fear of abandonment means to me, is an internalized conviction that people won’t like me, unless I try really hard to be nice. It shows in behavior I often barely notice myself. Pausing, to notice what the other wants, and then ‘suddenly’...

How not to let emotions escalate

by Wilrieke | Jul 14, 2023 | Attachment Dynamics, Courage & Fear, Dealing with Trauma, Emotions & Insecurity, Nervous System and Trauma

I’m slowly getting more clarity on how emotions can escalate without reason in my head. It starts with unease in the body. I may feel down, restless. There may be a reason for that: feeling a bit lonely, waiting for a message from a loved one, practical...

Co-regulate first

by Wilrieke | Jul 14, 2023 | Attachment Dynamics, Courage & Fear, Dealing with Trauma, Emotions & Insecurity, Nervous System and Trauma, Non Monogamy, Polyamory & Open Relating

Coregulate first… When there is something between you and your partner, or someone you love, and it’s possible, coregulate first. The talk can feel urgent, words may burn to leave your mouth. But when it comes from a place of an active trigger, whatever...

Dealing with an insecure, activated, nervous system

by Wilrieke | Jun 15, 2023 | Attachment Dynamics, Dealing with Trauma, Relationships

If you are insecurely attached, in this case, anxious or disorganized (aka the worst of both worlds), time separated from your partner(s) can be hard. Especially if there is trauma or harm involved too. My partner is gone for two weeks. Here’s a bit on how...
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Intimacy Coach & Educator | International Speaker  & Facilitator | Entrepreneur | Mother of Three

Newest Posts

  • Similarities and Differences
  • What’s the difference between relationships and friendships?
  • Changing the Pace of Relationships
  • My Anxious/Avoidant Dynamics – Pt1
  • Letting go of trying to be nice
  • How not to let emotions escalate
  • Co-regulate first
  • Dealing with an insecure, activated, nervous system
  • The Flip Side of Anxious Communication (spoiler: it’s a pitfall)
  • Our Choice of Words Matters

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