The lead

I am standing on a dance floor, blindfolded. The men walk through this darkened forest of sight-deprived women. We cannot see the men, but we hear their footsteps and the rustling of their clothes.

“Now stop in front of a woman of your choosing. Let her know you are there. Take her hand and seduce her into a dance. Lead her beyond the edges of her comfort zone and let her fly.”

There’s a man in front of me, I can feel his presence. A shy hand takes my right hand, followed seconds later by the other hand grabbing my left. The contact feels flaccid. When the music starts I feel insecure and far from grounded. Will this man lead me? Will he lift me from the floor and swirl me around like the couple leading the tantric dance ceremony showed us minutes before?

He starts moving his left arm. I try to follow his lead. His right arm follows a different melody. Are these two arms attached to a single body? He places one hand on my right hip and moves his left hand up towards the ceiling, taking my arm along, without directing me in one way or another. I feel lost.

I decide to focus on my connection with myself. What’s happening in my body? My breathing focuses high in my chest, my belly is tensed, my jaws are clenched. As I try to relax my muscles, breathe deeply and follow his lead I bump roughly into another dancer.

“Okay, now bring her to a stand and choose another woman!”

Within seconds I am on my own, feeling confused. I opened up for a man, showed my vulnerability, tried to connect and follow only to find myself hurt and lost.

Suddenly I feel someone’s breathe in my neck. I shiver. A low voice whispers commanding in my ear, “Surrender, I’ll catch you.” I feel my body relax and excite at the same time. I feel so safe and yet a stormy energy starts raging through my lower belly.

He stands right behind me. His shirt and a hint of his chest touch my shoulders. He’s there. I feel him. And he’s totally present with me and the moment.

The next thing I know is that I’m lost again, but in a completely different way. His right hand turns me 45 degrees and pushes me backwards in one motion. I feel a little shock when I pass beyond my tilting point, but a strong arm catches me. Surrendering in this back bend that opens me both physically and mentally, my hair and hands touch the dance floor in total surrender. He lifts me up, swirls me around, holds my hands up in the air, spins me around and forces me to stand still. He is so close I can feel the heat of his body, the stubbles on his cheeks on my forehead. A hand softly strokes downward along my spine. He bends his arm around my right upper leg and lifts me up sideways. The excitement pulses through my body as I totally surrender to this timeless space where the laws of gravity don’t get a hold on me.

I longed for the moment I was allowed to take off my blindfold and see the mysterious man I danced with. He stood there, tall and gorgeous in his self-filled presence, savoring me with his energy. A sensual feeling kept pulsing through me. I didn’t know his name, but I knew exactly what it would feel like to rip of his clothes of and make love with him. Intense, hot, sweaty and amazing. I could feel it, without any feelings of neediness to really do so. I could stay in this present moment, enjoying these sensations he warmly invited into my body without shame, fear or guilt.

Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

As a conscious woman, I know I am capable and responsible for being grounded and connected with myself. When I feel insecure I look inward. I can create the space in myself to be with myself. But when connecting with another person, I need the space to be open in order to give myself. In connections, there’s always this flow of femininity and masculinity. The feminine energy is the soft, sensual, nurturing energy that can surrender and follow. Masculine energy is powerful and leading, strong and lustful.

For magic to happen, the masculine and feminine need to dance. You don’t need a man and a woman, nor need the roles to be fixed. Whether you stick to one role of switch every few seconds doesn’t matter. You lead or you surrender, there’s nothing in between.

I love to surrender. I love to open myself deeply to a man or a woman capable of embracing her masculine side. Do you want me completely, deeply, fully, totally? Take me! Show me you are capable of respecting all of me. Make me feel you can embrace my vulnerability. Hold me in your strong presence, see me for who I am and let me hear, taste, smell and feel how you enjoy me. Show me how much you trust and love yourself for being in this connection with me. Invite me to join you in this all-absorbing bubble of energy, melting our energies into something larger than who we would be on our beautiful own.

The surrender

The roles changed. We, women, blindfolded the men. It was our turn to embrace our masculine energies and lead the men, who were challenged to be in the feminine, surrendering role.

“Ladies, walk around through the room. Look at all these men. When you see someone you want to dance with, stand near him and make him aware of your presence.”

Now it was my turn. I walked around and stopped in front of a man. Why did I choose him? I was feeling a little shy about my capabilities to lead and this one looked sweet. The deep breathes into my belly helped me to ground. I connected with this man’s vibe, feeling his energy interact with mine. I took his hands in mine as he stood there, waiting expectantly. As the music started, he also started. As I hardly gave my brain the signal to start moving my hands, he anticipated and moved his hands himself, twisting his body. As I tried to lead him, it felt as if he tried to lead my lead. I tried to give him the opportunity to surrender by moving more intensely. Follow me! Trust me, give me the space to catch you, feel how I can lead you towards magic! But he didn’t. He kept trying to match my masculine energy by anticipating on my movements and controlling the dance.


I slowly stopped the movements and let go of his hands with a light stroke. Yes, this was a sweet guy, but unable to surrender to me. I decided to challenge myself by invite a masculine looking guy. Can I handle that?

He stood there in the middle of the dance floor. His presence radiating, making him look larger than he was. His confidence made him attractive and a little intimidating. I stood closely at his side, making him feel me without touching. I felt his longing for connection. His deep presence and surrender to this moment with me. I put my hand on his chest and felt a little quiver. I could lead all of this and guide him into an amazing dance and he knew it. The promise was palpable in the thick air. Without any physical action this man gave me his permission, his longing, to be led by me. This feeling gave me an overpowering confidence and self-awareness. Oh how I loved myself for standing here, next to this vibrant man, knowing that whatever would happen in the next minutes, it would be amazing. It already was, and that was all that mattered.

The music started and my mind stopped. I didn’t think about the next movement I would make. I followed my body and his body, melting together into this dance. I made him spin and circle, letting him go for a second to catch him the next. I invited him to move wildly, to run through the room, cris-crossing the room packed with people without touching anybody. A sudden stop, our foreheads touching, a still moment of connection. He let me hold him, kneel and lay on the floor. I rolled him over and over before I got him up his feet again. His face looked divine with his mouth showing a relaxed, excited smile.

Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.2

How can I pull you up when you try to pull me down? How can I shine in when you close the shutters?

I love to lead. I love to show you my strength and inner power. But to show myself in a connection, I need you to be willing to see me. A woman who dares to lead is powerful. She will show you who you are. The deepest depths and the highest peaks of your consciousness. Are you ready for her? You don’t need to try to keep up with her. You would hold her back by showing you are as strong as she is. You only have to do this – it’s very simple and yet so difficult – be there and see her. Watch her. Feel her. Listen to her. Breathe in her full presence and enjoy what she gives you.

A safe space

Women love to surrender to men, but only when they feel safe. Create that safe space. Make her feel how much you believe in yourself. How worthy you are of sharing this moment with her. You don’t need to be physically strong to catch her. Be there. Be present. Be open. Give her all you have without holding back. Don’t be afraid of what might happen or what she may think. Make you the only thing she can think of by filling her presence with yours.

When you want to feel her strength, her inner power, when you want to be fucked to pieces by her… give her that space and let her know you want her by vibrating your desire through each of your cells. If you try to follow but want to keep control in the same time, your signal to her is clear: ‘You can try to lead me but I don’t trust your capability’. If you give her the feeling you don’t trust her, it’s simple. She will never show her most sexy, delicious, gorgeous soul. She’ll never tell you her darkest secrets.

It’s not only up to you of course. It doesn’t matter how good you are leading or surrendering when she’s not capable of taking the counter role. But you cannot force her. You cannot control her actions or reactions. You cannot persuade her, for your energy will feel heavy and needy. Don’t be attached to the outcome of your gesture. If you depend on her conformation, she will feel it. She will feel you are depending on strength that is not within you. Love yourself, no matter what she does. Your dependence on her reaction makes the safe space very unsafe because she will feel you cannot give her a free choice to join you.

The only thing you can do is the most beautiful thing you can give her: an open hearted, safe space to show herself to you and to surrender completely to this moment.

And when you are able to create this safe space… magic is about to happen!