Sunday morning. The kids are still sleeping. Boyfriend is reading a book. No appointments yet. The perfect moment to go outside for a long ride with my horse. But… it’s raining.
I could stay at home, get a little grumpy. Get nervous because my plans for the day get mixed up. Direct my bad mood at my boyfriend and daughters, making them feel bad too. It’s not my fault I feel bad. It’s because of the rain. I blame the rain for how I feel.
But is that fair? Is the rain in any way responsible for me choosing to go for a ride with my horse or not?
There is only one person responsible for the choices I make. And that’s me. I decide whether I go horse riding. I decide whether I let the rain change my mood. Nobody else is to blame but myself.
I can resist, judge, curse or ignore the rain, or I can accept it and go with the flow. I decided to put on my long wax coat (how I loved McCleods Daughters when I was pregnant. This coat makes me feel like one of them 😉 ) and accept is was raining. My horse and I went for a long ride. It’s just us humans who blame the rain for their mood, or use it as an excuse to stay inside. There was hardly anybody out there, while the lapwings were foraging in the potato fields and the sheep were grazing. A crow chased away a buzzard. A falcon was searching for mice. My horse didn’t mind the rain at all. He was very happy to stretch his legs and putting up a whole show because he felt so energetic. I could resist his energy and force him to walk slow, but he would resist my resistance and give me a hard time by rearing or bolting and getting very tensed. I decided to go with his flow, and allow him to canter along the quiet bicycle road. We both felt re-energized and happy, while the wind blew rain into our faces and we didn’t even notice it.
I didn’t blame the rain this morning, but I realized that I do blame the rain in other aspects of my life. As a mother for example. I totally love my kids, but I still resist their influence on my life. I love being free. I love being on my own. I love doing things in a spontaneous and unplanned way. Having a family implies consequences in my daily life. I still try to resist these consequences, feel moody when I expect too much of myself and blame the kids for not being able too finish everything. The kids get moody because I feel moody, and off we go…
It’s those days where I totally let go when we have the most fun. I lower my unrealistic expectations and just follow the flow. We go for a walk, do some shopping together, visit the playground on the way back home and pick nick in our garden. Afterwards the kids will take a nap or read a book. I finish the work I want to do. If needed, I’ll finish things off in the evening when the kids are sleeping.
Those days I am able to do the same amount of work or more compared to moody days, but now I feel much happier and more satisfied in the evening. I chose to feel good. I chose to go with the flow. I didn’t blame the rain.
I put this sign in front of my computer, to remind me to stop resisting and enjoy the flow presenting itself:
This morning I came back home wet, cold and happy. But is there any other moment where a hot shower and home-made chai are more comforting?