The Undirected Responses of Our Body to People We Don’t Trust
Do you recognize that? That when you meet people you had intense and complex relationships or experiences with, your body still responds in an emotional way? I do. Sometimes it's someone I had a short but intense uncomfortable experience with. Sometimes an ex-partner....
HPV awareness
HPV is considered an STI in some countries, but not in others. As more research is done, more is known and measures are changing. HPV is a virus that can cause warts and different kinds of cancers. Most people get it sooner or later, and in most, it doesn't manifest....
What I don’t like about Tantra
The world of (neo) tantra can be amazing. There are teachers that have high standards, bring amazing workshops and whom I wholeheartedly trust. But there are also dynamics that I don't like. The cultural appropriation, copying a guru culture badly, and of course, the...
The Solution for All Relationship Challenges
It seems to me that the solution for every relationship challenge is really simple: to ask for the need that is underlying the emotional response, whether that's safety, a hug, being heared or something else. That doesn't mean relationship challenges are easy to deal...
For All the Mothers
This one is for all the mothers who feel insecure. The mothers who don't know how to balance their need for quiet with the sound of children. The mothers who mourn their loss of freedom and the mothers who don't know how to do it. The mothers who love their children...
Do you take regular STI tests?
Everyone who is sexually active can spread things. From HPV to gonorrhoea and hepatitis and way more. Many STIs are mainly annoying to have, but some you'll never get rid off, and others can kill you. I try to take regular tests, once or twice per year, depending on...
Some thoughts on conditioning and fascism in self-love and -acceptance modalities.
They tell you to love yourself, then they tell you how unhappy they were when they were 30 kilos heavier than they are now and still drank booze. They tell you to embrace your flaws, but then list all the yoga workouts to do that will give you a muscular yet slender...
Introducing New Partners to my Kids – My Controversial Way
When I talk with other parents about introducing new partners to their kids, most of them are quite careful. In order not to upset their children's world too much when a new partner enters a parents' life, most of them let a relationship grow over time to test its...
Life as perceived gay as a formerly-perceived heterosexual
So far in life, I always publicly related to people of another gender. Usually, with persons identifying and looking like men, sometimes with someone queer, but always in a relationship that seemed heterosexual. Until Lione. Besides identifying as queer, Lione also...
Licking the Wounds caused by Previous Relationships
When a relationship ends, there's the possibility to look at it from an increased distance. This distance also makes it possible to see patterns. Recurring challenges that come back throughout different relationships. That's where I am now, and I'm grieving a...
I’m in Love with a Woman
When I was young I considered myself very much a heterosexual. Being bullied and having a complex youth, I tried not to deviate from the norms as much as I could to make sure I was as invisible as possible. My best friends were my horses, and besides a bit of kissing...
How I set Healthy Boundaries
Having boundaries is okay - really. They will support you in creating safety and having the experiences you want to have and with whom you want to have them. In this video, I explain the difference between manipulative boundaries and the ones that are informed, but...
Some Thoughts about Heterosexuality
We still live in a society in which heterosexuality is seen as the norm. Any deviation from it may lead to shaming - or even violence. In some countries, non-heterosexual choices may lead to the death penalty. I think heterosexuality is an imposed choice. Why? There...
I’m done with Beauty Standards (and why you telling me I look fine doesn’t help)
I'm done. I'm done with my friends apologizing for their bellies. Done with loved ones finding clothes that 'flatter' their tummies. I am done with women's magazines telling us how to get a flat belly. How to lose the love handles and get back in 'shape'. I am done...
The Plurality of Feelings
Content and sad Overwhelmed and lonely Bored with a long to-do list Grumpy and relaxed Grateful while feeling FOMO We don't have to choose. We can feel all of those things, and more, all at the same time. And it goes deeper. We have different parts inside us. The...
My 10yo Daughter’s Mastery in Self Regulation
SELF REGULATION LIKE A PRO She's a pro, my Little Pirate. On day three of our holiday with one of my best friends, the Archeologist, and his three kids, she's wearing her oversized pyjamas, my vest, and her favourite stuffed bunny is within reaching distance at all...
Different Ways in which Your Boundaries can get Crossed
These are two different ways: 1. Your boundaries can get crossed when you find yourself in a situation when someone (or you yourself) is forcing an experience upon you that you don't want to have. E.g. your parents force you to eat something you don't want to eat....
Some Benefits of Being Queer
SOME BENEFITS OF BEING QUEERThere's a lot that can be said about the challenges when identifying as queer. But there are also quite some amazing things that I realized that have changed for me since publicly identifying as queer. Not that I ever wasn't queer. I always...
Introducing: My Accountability Pod
With modest pride, we present our accountability pod, an autonomous way to be accountable for our actions. We are happy to tell you why we do this, what this is, and what this means for the people who work with us.We, Legien Warsosemito-Schenk, Roos Reijbroek, Tanya...
Resetting the Nervous System
Resetting the nervous system. That's what swimming in cold water feels for me like now. I never liked it. Until the last months. I notice how living in these intense times of constantly being online, a pandemic, climate change, and all the things that come with daily...
When A Relationship isn’t Working there are Three Options
When an employee isn't in the right job an employer can do three things: fire themcompromise on the quality of the job done (and probably the employee's wellbeing too)find the employee a better place in the company, where their qualities and those of the company match...
Fluid Relationships
There is this idea about romantic relationships that they either exist or not. In Dutch we say it's "on" or it is "off". There may be a "blinker-phase" where the on and off alternate at a pace faster than gossip can catch up with - but there are two options...
Gender is not Binary
Gender is not a binary thing. It never has been either. Instead of two checkboxes that we are one of, depending on what seemed to be present between our legs at birth, gender is a three-dimensional galaxy of options. And not just physically. We know the numbers of...
Trauma Surfacing in Relationships isn’t Necessarily Bad
Are you a nerd for self-psychologizing like I am? Reading the books, doing the work and the workshops and, maybe, as we start to understand the dynamics label those around us and ourselves as avoidant, anxious, or narcissistic? Just like I have, you may have listened...
The Ebbs and Flows of Human Life
Sometimes it feels to me that all the offers of self-help books, transformational workshops, and life-changing life coaches want to promise us exactly that: life is an experience of an ever-increasing ride of growth and joy, while all excess trauma, negative beliefs,...
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