Fluid Relationships

Fluid Relationships

There is this idea about romantic relationships that they either exist or not. In Dutch we say it's "on" or it is "off". There may be a "blinker-phase" where the on and off alternate at a pace faster than gossip can catch up with - but there are two options...

Gender is not Binary

Gender is not Binary

Gender is not a binary thing. It never has been either. Instead of two checkboxes that we are one of, depending on what seemed to be present between our legs at birth, gender is a three-dimensional galaxy of options. And not just physically. We know the numbers of...

Trauma Surfacing in Relationships isn’t Necessarily Bad

Trauma Surfacing in Relationships isn’t Necessarily Bad

Are you a nerd for self-psychologizing like I am? Reading the books, doing the work and the workshops and, maybe, as we start to understand the dynamics label those around us and ourselves as avoidant, anxious, or narcissistic? Just like I have, you may have listened...

The Ebbs and Flows of Human Life

The Ebbs and Flows of Human Life

Sometimes it feels to me that all the offers of self-help books, transformational workshops, and life-changing life coaches want to promise us exactly that: life is an experience of an ever-increasing ride of growth and joy, while all excess trauma, negative beliefs,...

Resources for Inclusive Workouts

Resources for Inclusive Workouts

I have a natural thing against gyms (no offence) and ever since I became a mother about 13 years ago I like to do the occasional yoga routine or workout at home. By now, I'm beyond my saturation point of young, skinny, white girls facilitating those. I don't aim to...

Patterns in Your Relating

Patterns in Your Relating

We all have patterns in our relationships. This is a short video with an exercise you may be interested in. https://youtu.be/jLSReu-kTE0

Pride

Pride

We have such a strange relationship with pride. At least in my culture. We shouldn't be proud, as it's seen as self-righteous and arrogance. But why not be proud? Why not acknowledge who we are and what we have to contribute? I know I need meaning and purpose in my...

Beyond Binary Gender Constructs: Who am I Today?

Beyond Binary Gender Constructs: Who am I Today?

This is what I love most about letting go of the binary gender thinking that I grew up with. Think about it: the first thing people do when a baby is born is checking the sex. And from that moment on, a lot is decided. From the colour of clothes to chances in life,...

Self-Criticism in Processes of Change

Self-Criticism in Processes of Change

Out of all the things happening in the world right now, there is one thing I'm sure of, and that is I'm changing.I finally cut my hair, I'm using different pronouns wherever it feels safe enough and fun. I dare to speak up when I don't agree. I became more political...

My Pledge for Solidarity

My Pledge for Solidarity

With this pledge, I actively distantiate myself from racism, discrimination, fascism, ableism, any form of shaming (including immunoshaming and fat-shaming), homophobia, climate denial, anti-vaxx, and the denial of science when it comes to a pandemic. I welcome...

Debunking Lovesongs #15: Gaslighting

Debunking Lovesongs #15: Gaslighting

We have all grown up amidst pop sings and fairytales that are all about love. But the things is, many of them are not about healthy love, but neediness, codependence and toxic relationships. Let's debunk some of them! Today: Don't You Want Me by The Human League...

Why I don’t believe in a shift from 3D to 5D

Spiritual people from all over the world claim we are in a frequency shift that will change the world forever. Quite a few have even built commercial products around this concept. I remember reading that (some people in) each generation believes they are the ones the...

My Voice is not a Weapon

My Voice is not a Weapon

When I raise my voiceSome say I’m too loudSome say they’re disappointed That the things I say areViolentIntolerant I am very tolerantJust not towards intolerance.I am very patientJust not with ignorance. My voice is one that has been silenced for too longAnd I won’t...

Health is a Shared Endeavour, not an Individual Accomplishment

Health is a Shared Endeavour, not an Individual Accomplishment

Health is not just a combination of what you eat, what you think, and how you move. Your health is a communal endeavor. Your food: It's produced somewhere. By people. Not just the crops or animals you're eating, but also decennia (or millennia) of domestication and...

Non-Monogamy for Life or as a Temporary solution?

Non-Monogamy for Life or as a Temporary solution?

Human beings have a choice: we can live with one partner, or have multiple. This choice may change over time, depending on e.g. life circumstances or the people we meet. Do you know your motivation for being/desiring to be monogamous or not right now? And are their...

Should we Face All our Trauma?

Should we Face All our Trauma?

It's a hype in personal growth realms: face your fears and dive in even further. But is that helpful and healing? Content: - what trauma is - you are not broken when you have traumas - the importance of the comfort zone - you design whether, when, and how you want to...

In-Group Love and Out-Group Attacks: Hooray for Oxytocin!

In-Group Love and Out-Group Attacks: Hooray for Oxytocin!

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone that acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. Oxytocin has a role in social bonding, reproduction, and childbirth (1). It is one of the hormones that support healthy attachment between adults, both in friendships and romantic...

The Responsibility it takes to Relate with Someone Secure

The Responsibility it takes to Relate with Someone Secure

Have you done some research on attachment dynamics? If you haven't and desire to relate with anyone, I strongly recommend you to get familiar with this topic. I know for myself that I am pretty insecurely attached, with a preoccupancy towards anxious attachment (aka...

I’m an All-or-Nothing Type of Person. Are You too?

I’m an All-or-Nothing Type of Person. Are You too?

I'm the all-or-nothing type of person, with a strong tendency to 'all'. There's always something to do, and things can always be done better and faster. Over the years that's a good recipe for either burnout, chronic overwhelm, a fried nervous system, a complaining...

There’s a Shift in my World – and it’s not from 3D to 5D

There’s a Shift in my World – and it’s not from 3D to 5D

There's a shift happening in my world. And maybe in yours too. I'm not talking about the shift from 3D to 5D, not anything that has to do with frequencies. It's also not something new. This has happened many times before, and likely will happen many times again. It's...

Debunking Lovesongs #14: Christmas edition! Victimhood

Debunking Lovesongs #14: Christmas edition! Victimhood

We have all grown up amidst pop sings and fairytales that are all about love. But the things is, many of them are not about healthy love, but neediness, codependence and toxic relationships. Let's debunk some of them! Today: Last Christmas by Wham! Victimhood is a...

Debunking Lovesongs #13: Neediness

Debunking Lovesongs #13: Neediness

We have all grown up amidst pop sings and fairytales that are all about love. But the things is, many of them are not about healthy love, but neediness, codependence and toxic relationships. Let's debunk some of them! Today: Blinding Lights by The Weeknd Neediness:...

When Love equals Danger: Healing an Anxious Attachment Pattern

When Love equals Danger: Healing an Anxious Attachment Pattern

Some of us feel comfortable letting others close - that's called a secure attachment pattern. But many of us don't. When you have an anxious attachment pattern, it is scary to let partners come close. Basically, there are two ways of avoiding deep intimacy: through a...

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