Lately I have been feeling very grateful for the amazing people in my life. I work with some of the most inspiring teachers on this planet. I date gorgeous, talented men and women. I have awesome friends who love the same things as I do, like cuddling for hours, having deep conversations or singing mantras and making music. Even most of the people I randomly meet in the streets are wonderful and amazing. Random encounters turn into deep connections that last seconds or months.

It hasn’t always been like that. On the contrary. For years I felt like I didn’t belong. The outcast that nobody understood or actually really liked. But also more recently I had lovers who weren’t honest about their intentions or didn’t respect me. Or the connection was nice but something deeper felt missing.

Looking back it feels like something magical has happened and somehow these amazing people started appearing in my life. Now I do believe in magic, but not in the magic that comes without a reason.

So what changed?

The answer is simple: I changed.

Now before I continue and share with you the three key factors that changed my life, I want to underline this: desiring to attract amazing people in your life does not mean that the current people in your life are anything less than amazing. They are probably the most awesome people in someone else’s life. It just means that, for you, right now, other people align more with your needs and desires.

Unconditional Self-Love

I believe that every article about ‘How to…’ should start with emphasizing the importance of self-love as a key factor for any change in your life. As long as you don’t like who you are, the message that you will broadcast is “I’m not likeable.” This is what I call ‘victim-mode’. You suffer from the circumstances that life is giving you. The people you will attract might (and probably will) comfort you, but never from a place of your greatness. And thus the people you attract won’t reflect that greatness.

Nothing is more appealing than someone who is enjoying him- or herself. Someone who sparkles from within attracts people like a magnet.

I see now that when I didn’t like myself much, I didn’t believe I was worth the attention of the people I really liked. And those people wouldn’t notice me. The people I connected with often neglected my desires, crossed my boundaries or simply didn’t stimulate me to grow further.

For example, I thought I was boring to have sex with, and thus attracted people who weren’t interesting at all in bed. How did hat change! Nowadays I know I’m a lot of fun – and now I attract fascinating and super sexy people.

Own and broadcast your desires

I also noticed that when I wasn’t sure what I wanted to explore in connections, the connections I had were shallow.

For a long time I have been afraid of broadcasting my desires, both considering connections with people as considering life choices. I was afraid of judgments from others and felt shame for what I wanted. I didn’t own my desires. And so I sent out mixed signals to people. How could these people feel secure about connecting with me?

My friend Steve Pavlina challenged me to broadcast my desires openly. For me, Facebook is a perfect medium for that. A week long I challenged myself to openly share a desire each day on Facebook and Twitter. It felt super scary. But I survived.

It made me realize that if I survived sharing my desires, I would probably keep surviving them. There were some judgments, but far less than I expected. What was very motivating were the positive responses to my messages.

Nowadays I tell people what I want from them. Sometimes it scares them away. But if that happens, they weren’t the perfect match for my desire anyway. Other times they respond openly to my invitation, and we have a beautiful match. Whether this is for a long distance biking trip visiting old bookstores, tea, or sexy adventures.

Dare to give everything. No holding back.

When I connect with someone, I don’t hold back. I open my heart and soul for them. It’s like loving someone instantly and sharing my deepest thoughts with them. I want my connections to be deep, and deeply fulfilling. If I go half speed myself, I’m not inviting the other person to do the same.

Being super clear and honest about my desires considering the people I want to attract in my life can be a scary thing. When you are honest, there is no mask or excuse to hide behind when the answer is not what you hoped for.

I have been in that place of doubt many times. Shall I step forward? And then fear kicks in and makes me hesitate.

When this happens, I ask myself: ‘What’s the worst thing that can happen?’

Maybe it is to hear something I don’t want to hear.

Maybe it is someone walking out of my life.

Most definitely the connection will never be as deep and fulfilling as it would have been if I would not have held back. Fear can be a wonderful guide to deeper self-love. A broken heart will heal again, being a bit wiser and stronger. And that makes it worth being so honest.

Let me now challenge you. What kind of amazing people do you want to attract in your life? What is it that you want to experience with them? Can you openly broadcast that desire?