How to deal with fear in polyamory?

When you have a polyamorous or open relationship, it’s not the question if fear will come up. Rather, the question is when it’s going to hit you. Sometimes fear comes creeping in as jealousy, expected but nevertheless unwelcome. Sometimes a panic attack takes you by surprise for a reason you never imagined. What are we afraid of? My fears often come up when my partner is not with his attention with me. When he’s checking his Facebook for example, or especially when he’s away on a date. I have no control on his behavior, and that makes me nervous. I feel triggered: my brain tells my body I’m in some sort of danger and I should be ready to fight,…

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Who’s driving your bus? Three steps to kick out the gremlins and take control of your life

Do you recognize those moments where it feels like you are being lived? That some kind of authority is commanding you to freak out, even though you hardly know why? You look in the mirror and don’t recognize the image of the stamping kid with clenched fists, raging about what s/he’s not getting. He simply asked me for a cup of tea. No more than that. After a long travel to come to see me, he asks me the favor of making him tea. Instead of getting up and giving him something he longs for, I feel rebellion coming up. “Why don’t you get it yourself?” It’s out before I know it. I see the disappointment in his face. The…

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Feeling too much and not good enough

FEELING TOO MUCH AND NOT ENOUGH

Have you ever realized that most of us feel both too much and not enough at the same time? Too loud, too present, too quiet, too fat, too small, too shy. not good enough, not loved enough, not smart enough, not fast enough, not rich enough. Yes, they are different sides of the same medal of self-judgment, although they tend to have different results. Feeling too much results in hiding, while feeling not enough results in over-acting. We try to compensate what we believe how the outer world experiences us. That’s called projection. We project an image of ourselves onto others, and, while we’re doing this anyway, also assume they will have a certain reaction towards us. We think we…

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Feeling Insecure

Feeling Insecure

You don’t have to talk yourself down. Does it help you, when you feel small and imperfect?  It’s easy, believing we’re not good enough. Believing others are worthier, because they are smarter, skinnier, taller, shorter, prettier than we are. We are all addicts for approval. Ever since our parents taught us that love is only available when we’re being good. When we do as we are told. Love will be taken away when we make mistakes or misbehave. We’ve become addicted to doing ‘the right thing’. To fitting in the perfect picture. Media stimulates us further. When we don’t look exactly like we should, love will be taken away. We crave for approval. We crave to be seen. We crave…

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The cosmic joke

We choose the decor that shapes our life

This life, it’s just one big joke. What we see, it’s only the decor. It’s not real. Nothing really is. Nothing. Not even the concept we call ‘I’ or ‘mine’. Even that’s a joke. One that we all believe. Until we see it through. Until we see there is a way out. That way out is by letting go. Letting go of everything: you name, your job, your status, your body – and eventually the whole concept that you believe you are. Only when you can let go of all of that, only then you will be free. What does it mean to be free? It means you have a choice. In each single moment, you can choose to open…

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(Poem#10) When bad news comes

When bad news comes

Can you allow yourself to feel Even if it’s just for a moment Not holding back emotions tears sound Feeling the emotions rage through you Call it pain anger sadness grief rage Or simply observe feel The body’s response to what is alive in you Can you cry and love it? Can you scream and enjoy it? Can you freak out and watch yourself doing it? Breathe this aliveness inside you It’s okay You are loved More than you might ever know It’s okay You are allowed to break down to step up Like a phenix when the dust settles down You are alive. Please follow and like us:

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Will anger and fear dissappear through Personal Growth?

As I grow as a person, letting go of fears and limiting beliefs, does that mean that emotions like anger and sadness no longer touch me? No. They do touch me. Even more than before, as there are less and less layers in between. No more masks. No more hiding behind judgments or untrue truths I tell myself. I don’t live half. I have no filter that only allows happiness and joy. If there would be a filter, it would filter all emotions. The filter would be resistance towards What Is. I love What Is. I love the energy raging through me. Let it flow through me, let it kill my ego! I’m not afraid, for what’s left underneath it…

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What do you need love?

What do you need love?

Do you dare ask yourself what it is that you need love, independent of what others tell you? Can you stand your ground dear, independent of the consequences? Life will give you mirrors that reflect how you see yourself. The situations you find yourself in, the people you meet; they are a mere reflection of how you feel about what it is that you deserve. The ultimate challenges are your closest relationships. How are your parents treating you? How is your lover treating you? Can you see the patterns? Can you see how they love you, respect you, see you? Can you see how they frustrate you, keep you small, prevent you from doing what you want, enforce their opinion…

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How Confusion leads to Presence

How confusion leads to presence

My head often feels like a board meeting of an enterprise debating the execution of a delicate million dollar assignment. The chief practical officer brings in arguments of why I have no time to go for a walk of simply stare out of the window. The chief financial officer worries that it won’t bring in enough money. The officer of social affairs tells me this guy is probably only interested in sex, while the chief officer of mommy-issues tells me I should feel guilty for not spending these minutes playing with my kids. The food officer tells me I should only eat healthy things, while the clerk dealing with emotional affairs believes chocolate is always permitted. When it comes to…

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How 2014 changed my life

Wilrieke wild side

Now this would be a title I could use each year, because each year will gift chances and changes. But in several ways 2014 felt like a tilting-point-kind-of-year. You know, that feeling that you built towards something, and suddenly the critical mass has been reached and the balance tips over. That kind of feeling. There is one word that can describe this whole shift for me: abundance. Now you probably know the Law of Attraction, how we can attract everything we desire into our lives by believing it’s already there. Although I have been working on creating abundance for longer, the difference is that I now really feel abundant. I can feel a deepened trust in myself and the world.…

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