Why I don’t try to get rid of neediness, fear or insecurity.

Why I try not to get rid of neediness, fear or insecurity. And why you shouldn't too.

And why you shouldn’t too. When I am going through processes of growth, some days are better than others. On good days it’s often not so difficult to love myself. But when days are tougher, and I feel a longing for connection with, or approval from others. I feel needy, afraid and insecure. On top of that i feel judgment: i shouldn’t feel like this. i should be beyond this, I’ve dealt with this. I want to get rid of what I feel. That’s the most counterproductive strategy of dealing with what is going on inside me. I this video I share, on a tough day, how I deal with myself. Please follow and like us:

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Mirrors versus Movie Screens: Do you reflect or project?

Mirrors versus Movie Screens

The people around us are our mirrors: they show us where we are in our stage of personal evolution. It’s something we hear all the time. But I notice that people, me included, tend to use others rather as movie screens onto which we project our reality, instead of looking into the mirror. When someone triggers us It’s easy to see someone as our mirror when that mirror shows us something nice. It can be amazingly uplifting when someone I admire wants to spend time with me. Although it touches upon my insecurity sometimes (‘Why would this person want to spend time with me?’) it is hard to stick to negative thinking too long. I must be nice to be…

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Freedom is not in saving others

Freedom

You can’t make anyone grow. You can’t even make yourself grow. The only thing you can really do is opening your heart. To all the pain, the intensity of life, the heartbreak, the sorrow and the thunder. To the joy, the laughter, the bliss and the ecstasy. You can never force life to bend. It will break. Life can only flow. Life is a current, and you can either swim against, or swim with it. It doesn’t mean you should float. Being passive isn’t going to bring you anywhere, just as only observing your feelings isn’t going to bring you anywhere. Invite. Allow. Join. The deepest thing you can reach is freedom. A free heart without conditionings and programs. You…

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Love addiction: When an (open) relationship becomes an attempt to fill a void

Love addiction: When an (open) relationship becomes an attempt to fill a void

When talking about open relationships, polyamory or non-monogamy in general, a discussion point brought to the table often is that in monogamous relationship two people can go very deep, exploring each other completely, over a longer period of time, and with no distractions. Having multiple relationships, it is easy to spread your attention and keep connections on a shallow level of depth. Indeed, the largest pitfall I encounter having an open relationship is the temptation to avoid facing struggles and fear in the relationship with my partner, and finding support, satisfaction, attention  or whatever it is I desire and don’t get in the relationship elsewhere. But even when you’re not in a relationship, it’s easy to get lost in connecting…

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Three years into my open relationship – the lessons I’ve learned

Three years into my open relationship

In October 2012 my partner and I decided to open up our, until then, monogamous relationship. We had been talking and fantasizing about our feelings for over a year. Now we were ready to take the plunge. Why I chose to have an open relationship When my partner and I met, we were in our early twenties. We embarked on a journey which was my first long-term relationship. His second after a relationship of a year and a half. We both had our adventures with people. And now we found each other in something that felt like a relationship that would last a long time. Would that mean we would never flirt with others again? Never kiss, let alone make…

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The Unexpected (emotional) Side Effects of Crowdfunding

The Unexpected (emotional) Side Effects of Crowdfunding

I launched crowdfunding campaign. You might have noticed it. I did expect reactions from people. People who would want to help out, and people who wouldn’t. But I didn’t expect that much reaction from inside me. Is this desire allowed? It all started with a desire. In my case, a desire for space for my own. Our house is small. We have three kids packed in one room, a tiny work space that my partner, his computer and administration files occupy. My space is a desk in the living room. The same living room where my kids play and fight and where people come and go. I’m the kind of person who needs time and space alone to stay sane.…

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The Ritual Cacao Ceremony

Cacao ceremony

Who doesn’t love chocolate? The combination of cacao, dance and a mind-expanding experience must be one of the most luscious things I can think of. I also love how plants and other natural substances can give us insights that we usually can’t reach. I call them imprints: once you felt them, you will always be able to reconnect to a certain feeling and apply it in new situations. I never tried ritual doses of theobromine, the active compound of chocolate. Raw cacao in ritual doses is celebrated for its capacities to open hearts and supports transformation through self-love. Raw cacao is also a powerful antioxidant, enhances the immune system, lowers the risk of heart disease, lowers high cholesterol and blood…

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Men: Why she hates your messages – the brutal truth

Why she hates your messages

This article is based upon my experiences with men contacting me. It’s absolutely generalized. I challenge you read it and to feel what touches you. Do you recognize my experiences? Do you feel triggered or offended? See the next paragraphs as my present to you. I tell you what works for me and the wise, strong, gorgeous women I see around me. Let these paragraphs penetrate you. Is this about you? Keeping violation intact through silence Too many women are silent when they feel offended by men, as well as I’m sure there are men feeling offended by women or other men and keeping their mouths tightly shut. By being silent we keep the vicious circle of hurtful communication and…

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Do you fake your pleasure?

Do you fake your pleasure?

Humans are innate pleasers, always ready to put an effort into pleasing others. We laugh at jokes that aren’t funny to not embarrass the speaker, we kiss our cologne-smelling aunties on the cheek and we keep going to birthdays of people we don’t even like. Our sex life is no exception. Research shows that 70% of the women and 30% of men fake orgasms. But I believe that all of us fake pleasure in sex in a much more subtle way. The approval addiction Humans are addicts for love and attention. Without approval, many of us feel insecure, unloved and lonely. The amount of approval we need varies from a little to constant approval-seeking. How did we end up this…

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How a detox can increase food addiction

Food addiction

I have been experimenting with nutritional supplements and doing a detox over the last weeks. One of my intentions for doing this detox, was breaking with my eating addictions. I hoped that staying away from sugar, wheat (carbs altogether) and fat for 21 days would rewire my brain into an addictive free, relaxed state. Partly it did. The cravings were still there, but they felt soft and I could handle them well most of the time. I knew I wouldn’t give into them, as I promised myself to fulfill these 21 days. But towards day 21, cravings increased. My mind found openings and options inside the challenge where I could give into the cravings. I had a conscious and very…

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