Why I don’t try to get rid of neediness, fear or insecurity.

Why I try not to get rid of neediness, fear or insecurity. And why you shouldn't too.

And why you shouldn’t too. When I am going through processes of growth, some days are better than others. On good days it’s often not so difficult to love myself. But when days are tougher, and I feel a longing for connection with, or approval from others. I feel needy, afraid and insecure. On top of that i feel judgment: i shouldn’t feel like this. i should be beyond this, I’ve dealt with this. I want to get rid of what I feel. That’s the most counterproductive strategy of dealing with what is going on inside me. I this video I share, on a tough day, how I deal with myself. Please follow and like us:

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Mirrors versus Movie Screens: Do you reflect or project?

Mirrors versus Movie Screens

The people around us are our mirrors: they show us where we are in our stage of personal evolution. It’s something we hear all the time. But I notice that people, me included, tend to use others rather as movie screens onto which we project our reality, instead of looking into the mirror. When someone triggers us It’s easy to see someone as our mirror when that mirror shows us something nice. It can be amazingly uplifting when someone I admire wants to spend time with me. Although it touches upon my insecurity sometimes (‘Why would this person want to spend time with me?’) it is hard to stick to negative thinking too long. I must be nice to be…

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My contradictory life as an outgoing introvert (with an open relationship)

Outgoing introvert

I am that kind of person that needs a lot of time on her own. Endless walks in the forests, staring at clouds while dreaming of romantic love stories and simply sitting in a corner of a room, wrapped in a blanket with a pile of books and a jar of tea within reach are amongst my favourite pastimes. At the same time, I love the company of people. Nothing beats dancing for hours with an ecstatic group of barefoot dancers surrounding me, or long and deep conversations with friends followed by long hugs. Am I an introvert or not? Because of my desires for both being alone and being surrounded by people, for many years I have been wondering…

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Love addiction: When an (open) relationship becomes an attempt to fill a void

Love addiction: When an (open) relationship becomes an attempt to fill a void

When talking about open relationships, polyamory or non-monogamy in general, a discussion point brought to the table often is that in monogamous relationship two people can go very deep, exploring each other completely, over a longer period of time, and with no distractions. Having multiple relationships, it is easy to spread your attention and keep connections on a shallow level of depth. Indeed, the largest pitfall I encounter having an open relationship is the temptation to avoid facing struggles and fear in the relationship with my partner, and finding support, satisfaction, attention  or whatever it is I desire and don’t get in the relationship elsewhere. But even when you’re not in a relationship, it’s easy to get lost in connecting…

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Three years into my open relationship – the lessons I’ve learned

Three years into my open relationship

In October 2012 my partner and I decided to open up our, until then, monogamous relationship. We had been talking and fantasizing about our feelings for over a year. Now we were ready to take the plunge. Why I chose to have an open relationship When my partner and I met, we were in our early twenties. We embarked on a journey which was my first long-term relationship. His second after a relationship of a year and a half. We both had our adventures with people. And now we found each other in something that felt like a relationship that would last a long time. Would that mean we would never flirt with others again? Never kiss, let alone make…

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The Unexpected (emotional) Side Effects of Crowdfunding

The Unexpected (emotional) Side Effects of Crowdfunding

I launched crowdfunding campaign. You might have noticed it. I did expect reactions from people. People who would want to help out, and people who wouldn’t. But I didn’t expect that much reaction from inside me. Is this desire allowed? It all started with a desire. In my case, a desire for space for my own. Our house is small. We have three kids packed in one room, a tiny work space that my partner, his computer and administration files occupy. My space is a desk in the living room. The same living room where my kids play and fight and where people come and go. I’m the kind of person who needs time and space alone to stay sane.…

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Men: Why she hates your messages – the brutal truth

Why she hates your messages

This article is based upon my experiences with men contacting me. It’s absolutely generalized. I challenge you read it and to feel what touches you. Do you recognize my experiences? Do you feel triggered or offended? See the next paragraphs as my present to you. I tell you what works for me and the wise, strong, gorgeous women I see around me. Let these paragraphs penetrate you. Is this about you? Keeping violation intact through silence Too many women are silent when they feel offended by men, as well as I’m sure there are men feeling offended by women or other men and keeping their mouths tightly shut. By being silent we keep the vicious circle of hurtful communication and…

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Are you a food addict like me?

Are you a food addict like me?

Many of us are addicted to food and we don’t know it. According to Food Addicts Anonymous “Food addiction manifests itself in the uncontrollable craving for excess food that follows the ingestion of refined carbohydrates, primarily sugar and flour substances that are quickly metabolized and turned into sugar in the bloodstream.” Now it wouldn’t be so bad if we could eat that chocolate chip cookies or Ben and Jerry’s Utter Peanut Butter Clutter Cookie Core without consequences, but: “Due to those uncontrollable cravings, a food addict’s quality of life deteriorates when he or she eats sugar, flour or wheat. It can deteriorate physically, emotionally, socially and/or spiritually.” Oh darn. Am I a food addict? I eat healthy, mostly vegan and…

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Who’s driving your bus? Three steps to kick out the gremlins and take control of your life

Do you recognize those moments where it feels like you are being lived? That some kind of authority is commanding you to freak out, even though you hardly know why? You look in the mirror and don’t recognize the image of the stamping kid with clenched fists, raging about what s/he’s not getting. He simply asked me for a cup of tea. No more than that. After a long travel to come to see me, he asks me the favor of making him tea. Instead of getting up and giving him something he longs for, I feel rebellion coming up. “Why don’t you get it yourself?” It’s out before I know it. I see the disappointment in his face. The…

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Let my heart break into a thousand pieces

“There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” ~ Leonard Cohen. The way the heart grows is by cracking open. Just like an insect breaks through its old skin so it can grow larger, our hearts need to break, to hurt, to crack open before they can grow bigger. To contain more love in our bodies, to be able to feel deeper and more intense, we need to break through the shells of protection that we’ve built around our hearts. Only then our hearts can be free. Life will test you, once you’ve cleared your mind and set your intention on growth and self-liberation. ‘Just how far are you willing to open your heart? Can you take…

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