Men seem to have a deep belief that women need to be tricked into sex.
In my opinion, from the same belief that women don’t like sex, comes a widespread phenomenon that women who do embrace their sexuality and openly vibrate a sexual invitation are considered scary or intimidating.
Over history sexual active women have been shunned. We’ve ended up at the stake for embracing our sexuality as far back as history goes. Calling a woman a whore is nothing new, as well as the more recent term of slut-shaming.
What’s the problem?
Why is a sexual woman so scary? Why is it safer to believe that women don’t like sex and should be conquered?
Maybe it has to do with our upbringing. Boys are taught to be nice and kind to women.
Women are taught to behave and be decent.
Many households and religions pretend sex is not happening and hide it away as far as possible. Talking about it is not done, let alone publicly broadcast it.
We have lived in a patriarchal society for centuries. Men (still) have an advance from birth, where they are in the position of having the lead, whether this concerns politics, companies, education systems, science or the dinner table. Who’s cutting the meat?
“Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment of integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.”
~ From a book on ‘Being a good housewife’ from the 1950’s
There was a time, not so long ago, where our grandmothers (and sometimes our mothers) were taught to fulfill the marital duty of copulation, where she would quietly spread her legs (whether she was feeling horny or not was not even a question) and let her husband do his business. She should not make sounds, not try to be on top, and definitely not take lead.
The following is a reprint from The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894 (I’m including the whole thing just because it sounds so absurd nowadays):
“INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.
At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
On the other hand, the bride’s terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.
It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.
Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.
Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife’s best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.
Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.
By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.
Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.
Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.
A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.
Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.
When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.
If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.
If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time.
Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.
She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while his huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.
One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband’s home, school, church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband’s desire for sexual expression.”
Is this melody still engraved in our DNA?
Men, wake up!
Women like sex! We like you to kiss and lick us passionately, we like your sweet lovemaking and we love it when you sometimes drag us into your cave and fuck our brains out. We do.
We also adore consent.
Don’t just touch us when it pleases you. You have no right to our sexuality. But you can ask for it. Kindly request access to it. Never ever believe a sexual woman is public access. She’s not.
Speaking for myself: I find it so much more attractive when a man openly shows his attraction for me. When he tells me he thinks I’m sexy and what he would do to me (starting with describing how you kiss my neck gives me shivers). I hate it when I get the feeling a man wants to trick me into his bed. Women have an antenna for it. We feel it when a man is stalking us like a tiger wanting to catch the unsuspecting prey. We smell the underlying fear and insecurity. It personally makes me want to run away as fast as I can.
Own your fucking desire!
It will instantly make that sexy woman less scary.
Sexual energy, lust, horniness… it’s such a part of being a human. Sexual energy is the most creative energy we have. Why should we hide it? Why not enjoy that tingling feeling in our bodies and use it? That doesn’t mean we should have sex all day long. On the contrary. This energy is amazing to put into work, creating your business, having a deep conversation with a friend or having patience with your kids.
After all the generations upon generations who have been using sex to manipulate (from kingdom to family, essentially it’s all power play at work): let’s use sex to create.
And men, next time you see a woman who radiates sex: look at her. Do you feel fear (which could be packed in judgment)? What is being touched in you?
Enjoy seeing her. Maybe compliment her and tell her how sexy you think she is. And then let her go. If she wants you, she will tell you.