Self-Care and Structure

Self-care and structure

I used to be so bad at self-care. Or at creating structure. I’m a person with a lot of energy. That means I can create a lot (while being a mum and whatnot) – it also means that I can procrastinate and be in my own way like a boss. Being in my own way is arguably the most destructive thing in my world. I will escape into behavior that I think is supporting me (like mindless browsing on social media, eating sugary things) but drains me more than anything else. To channel the intensity of feelings and energy that I have into creation, I need some structure. They may come in the form of deadlines or appointments or the…

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Bufo – Dying to Grow

“I know you have worked with medicine before, but have you ever done Bufo, the toad?” This question came by often, with the addition that even when you have worked with Ayahuasca and Kambo, Bufo is something else. The stories sounded so intense, that I never even really considered this one. Why would someone want to feel like they’re dying – for real? But then there was this message from someone I never met before: “Hey, we love what you bring to this world, and the medicines tell us to invite you. Would you come to our Bufo alvarius ceremony next week?” And of course, it was that one free day between the madness of Christmas and Newyear, in a…

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We’re In This Together

You know, dear one, You might feel alone out there, on your path of life. Knowing that what the people around you do is not the kind of passionate living that you ambition. You probably feel the strong pull of going beyond imaginary boundaries of right, wrong, and decent. Your soul is calling you in for wild adventures, breaking glass ceilings, and being free. For living beyond what you thought possible, beyond what teachers in school ever taught you. Beyond ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ Rich and famous aren’t good enough. You know there’s more. You feel it deep inside and it’s crystal clear. But the fears and doubts feel so real too. They teach…

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The Longing for Big Love

Alphachanneling

It’s okay to long for Big Love, dear. To feel that trembling longing in your belly that lets you know, from deep inside, that this is something real this Big Love is something that exists and it’s there, for you, too. To feel that overwhelming sadness in your chest that heart-shattering contraction of feeling that it’s out of reach just the tiniest bit. To feel that confusion in your head Are you ready? Is this the moment? Is there something wrong in my relationship/s? Then remember: Confusion is part of Big Love as it invites you to look deeper into your wounds, your readiness to fully step up for what it is that you want, to not accept, any manipulation,…

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The Pain of Losing Presence

The Pain of Losing Presence

We live in a dual world. When we learn what it’s like to be received in full presence, we inherently also learn what it’s like when that full presence is gone. When this other, who is so present with you, suddenly is gone. Doesn’t show up. Breaks an agreement. Can’t see you fully. The pain that comes with that is huge. It reminds us of the original wound of separation that goes back to when we were inside a womb – or possibly before that. The pain that reminds us, maybe unconsciously, of the moments when we were fully depending on our caregivers, and they couldn’t be there every moment we needed them. As that’s pretty much impossible. And then,…

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The Deeper We Love, the Deeper Love Will Touch Us

The deeper we love, the deeper love will touch us. It is as incredible as it sounds, though not always easy. As love tears down everything in its way to loving more, all our deepest stories, pain, fear and insecurity is revealed in the wake of unleashing bliss. And not just our own! All that which our ancestors carry, what’s engraved in our collective past and present, It’s all right here, right now. So beware, when you open your heart wider than before, That more love than you can imagine will pour in, And your senses sensitize As there’s no right or wrong, desired or undesired on our inner landscape, just simple aliveness, It all becomes stronger. More. Deeper. Become…

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These Wings Won’t Fit in a Cocoon Anymore

Don't push me back

And then she said: “I could be insecure again. Like a caterpillar who broke its cocoon to unfold its wings, too afraid to take its space and be carried by the sky, that tries to get back in again. I tried that. But these wings won’t fit in that cocoon anymore unless I’d break them. There’s no other option but to let the air, the sun, the earth and the rain touch me and tease me, test my resilience to come back again. To dry, shake off, breathe and fly again. And I don’t need you – or anyone – to tell me to become a caterpillar again, nor to fly faster than when my wings have dried. I don’t…

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On Trust and Trusting

On Trust and Trusting

The deepest layer of trust is not about knowing what will happen, how to get what you want, or even about understanding your desire. There’s no use in trying to get it, as trust isn’t about ‘getting it’. Trust is a feeling. A close connection to your inner world and intuition. A clear communication channel to what’s deep inside and beyond you. Trust is alignment to truth. The purpose of your life’s journey. Trust is breathing and opening up, even when you’re afraid or believe that this time it’s all wrong. Trust is letting go of how you think you should get to where you think you should be going. Because you don’t know. The path is in the unfolding…

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The Orgasm of Inspiration

Inspiration is like a long, gentle orgasm, moving through me as I create._

Can I be lusciously written? Can I consciously allow myself to tap into a divine source of inspiration, of wisdom flowing through me just by opening the faucet? Can I be that vessel, that portal, upon my own request? Or is this spring of information ever present? The internal wisdom of collective memory that we can all tune into? Or maybe we are tuned in, but forgot or switched ourselves of through our busy busy lives? There’s this magic feeling that comes over me every now and then. It tingles my skin, as the touch of a lover can do. The slightest suggestion of a caress, that makes my blood rush. It’s an urge to create. As the water reservoir…

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Do I Feel Too Much?

Do I Feel Too Much?

Maybe you are like me. I always felt a lot, not sure where all these sensations came from I could feel overwhelmed often and easily. Feeling shy was a good mechanism to protect myself from opening too much and feeling even more. And now, many years later, I feel even more. Give me a room full of people and I can tell you exactly where everyone is at. I can tell you where it hurts and why it contracts and why you are afraid. All these processes of shedding layers of protection mechanisms and ego strategies, of getting to know my monthly cycles and emotional waves, of balancing my introvert and extravert, of checking in with sisters and holding myself.…

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