Men: Why she hates your messages – the brutal truth

Why she hates your messages

This article is based upon my experiences with men contacting me. It’s absolutely generalized. I challenge you read it and to feel what touches you. Do you recognize my experiences? Do you feel triggered or offended? See the next paragraphs as my present to you. I tell you what works for me and the wise, strong, gorgeous women I see around me. Let these paragraphs penetrate you. Is this about you? Keeping violation intact through silence Too many women are silent when they feel offended by men, as well as I’m sure there are men feeling offended by women or other men and keeping their mouths tightly shut. By being silent we keep the vicious circle of hurtful communication and…

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Do you fake your pleasure?

Do you fake your pleasure?

Humans are innate pleasers, always ready to put an effort into pleasing others. We laugh at jokes that aren’t funny to not embarrass the speaker, we kiss our cologne-smelling aunties on the cheek and we keep going to birthdays of people we don’t even like. Our sex life is no exception. Research shows that 70% of the women and 30% of men fake orgasms. But I believe that all of us fake pleasure in sex in a much more subtle way. The approval addiction Humans are addicts for love and attention. Without approval, many of us feel insecure, unloved and lonely. The amount of approval we need varies from a little to constant approval-seeking. How did we end up this…

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I want more sex in my relationship – now what?

I want more sex in my relationship – now what?

My partner and I have been in a relationship for eight years now. In the beginning, sex was challenging. I was afraid of showing my naked body. Negative experiences from the past made me afraid to let go of control about the situation. Gradually that changed. My partner told me how beautiful he believed I was – until I started to believe it too. We started to experiment with positions and places, getting to know each other’s bodies well and knowing how to pleasure each other. Sex was still often a race towards an orgasm (preferably both at the same time) and when there were no orgasms, it felt like we failed in a way, but nevertheless we had fun.…

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Do you need to have it all?

Do you need to have it all?

Can you smell a delicious dish and not eat it? Can you enjoy an intense hug without needing to kiss her? Can you enjoy kissing her without needing to have sex? Can you have sex without needing an orgasm? So often we are one step ahead in our head, not being present in this current moment. We forget to enjoy what is in front of us, what we have, and trade it for thoughts of how it could be better, leaving us unfulfilled and dissatisfied. Try it today: be present with what is there. If you find your thoughts moving to the next step, smile at yourself, acknowledge your longing, and see if you can let go. It just might…

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Polyamory: Should I start with a monogamous relationship? (Video)

Whats the best foundation for polyamory

“Do I need to build a foundation as a monogamous couple before I open my relationship, or can we have an open relationship right from the start?” It’s a common question for people who want to explore open relationships, or polyamory, when they are about to start a new relationship. I believe either way can work: building a foundation as a monogamous couple, or having an open relationship right from the start. Both ways have their pro’s and con’s. In my experience, starting right away with an open relationship makes it easier to set the other person free, as I knew being intimately involved with others was part of the game plan from the beginning. On the other hand, learning…

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Invitations to send in Questions about Polyamory (video)

Polyamory, open relationships, non-monogamy, or – as I call it- a free relationship. To me, having this non-conventional way of relating with my partner that may include intimacy with other people is part of a life based on growth, love and passion. Many people have many questions about this topic. I invite you to send me your questions about polyamory, open relationship and non-monogamy. I will make videos in which I answer your questions. [youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw8fHhb3_T8] Please follow and like us:

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Using sex to explore our shadow side

using sex to explore our shadow side

There are parts of our own personalities that we love, and parts that we have learned to hide. As a newborn, we don’t have a set of rules defining which behavior of our selves we like and don’t like. It’s our environment, mainly our parents, who teach us what to express and what to put away in a box and store away far from our surface. Especially in our sexuality we experience a lot of those hidden boxes, which makes sex an amazing pathway into exploring our shadow side. How is a shadow side created? Children have no filter like grownups do. When a person tells a child that something is shameful behavior (like screaming out loud or expressing rage…

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The Pick Up Artist and The Real Man

The Pick Up Artist and The Real Man

You know what I don’t like about the pick up artist community? The seemingly innate underlying assumption that women wouldn’t want to sleep with or be with you without tricks. If being yourself isn’t good enough, why would you want to connect anyway? Are you that much afraid of rejection that you need to ‘upgrade’ yourself into someone you’re not to feel likable? Men: you are enough. You are amazing. You can be incredibly sexy just by feeling good. Get comfortable in your body, whatever it looks like. You taking care of yourself and loving who you are is so much more important than the amount of hair on your head or chest, the size or your penis or your bank…

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My boyfriend kissed someone else

Do you need to have it all?

For the first time in months my boyfriend and I were at the same place, at the same time, on the same dance floor. Together with the other participants of the workshop we just finished an intense exercise. I had found myself screaming back and forth with a man, releasing a lot of energy that felt stuck in my throat. How liberating! When I ecstatically turned around, one meter away from me, my boyfriend was passionately kissing a beautiful woman. Statistics1 tell us that over 50% of the people in a relationship cheat at least once. That means the chance that your partner did cheat on you is larger than the chance s/he didn’t. An average affair lasts 2 years.…

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Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

The lead I am standing on a dance floor, blindfolded. The men walk through this darkened forest of sight-deprived women. We cannot see the men, but we hear their footsteps and the rustling of their clothes. “Now stop in front of a woman of your choosing. Let her know you are there. Take her hand and seduce her into a dance. Lead her beyond the edges of her comfort zone and let her fly.” There’s a man in front of me, I can feel his presence. A shy hand takes my right hand, followed seconds later by the other hand grabbing my left. The contact feels flaccid. When the music starts I feel insecure and far from grounded. Will this…

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